Here again part 9

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks everyone.

Thanks for the list 25

I'm going to read through DR the next couple nights. The baby is super fussy and clingy today he has to get 3 shots today. Poor guy. Took the boys to lunch after and we've been hanging at home since the baby is fussy.

25 - you give me a lot to think about BUT I will say I'm not entirely convinced H wasn't the man. I thought he was or all in on our marriage. I think he was. Well I know he was. Until this year.

I did not mean to say he was not the man you believed he was. I'm not erasing your marital history. (Or mine). I'm saying your h is not who you need now, and that is just true.


Like I said it was like a switch flipped in February. Something changed.

since I've been pondering the "WHEN?/WHY??" questions in circles for months, and did it for a year a decade ago, let me ask you a question.

What difference would having an exact date and time, make now? I mean, what if a crystal ball said "T0, your h switched off the M on 2/4/2017 at 3pm" ?

How would that help you, today? What affect would that have on your course of action now?

My dad agreed - he is very close with H and said around the times of the flowers he gave the coworker it was like he became very disconnected. He connected a little when baby came and then came severely disconnected the last month. That's the most frustrating part is he can just flip like a light switch.

The one thing I know about H is when things are good for him it's great. If something goes wrong or he's unhappy about anything then it radiates to every relationship and thing in his life. He's continued to tell me he isn't happy with himself and that I'm the source of his unhappiness.
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Life gives all of us - every single one of us -either a curve ball of tragedy or undue hardship (prolonged illness or a serious injury, job loss/financial stress, death or tragedy in a family member, a difficult or sick child, prison for someone close to them)

- AND OR normal build ups of multiple life stressors, as you have at the moment.

That's when the partners each step up to the plate, or one of them bolts. You are telling us something in this post. Do you see it?


I'm always typing on my phone so it's hard to remember every point in trying to respond to.

Why is it so hard for me to accept that I shouldn't be trying to save my M?

I'm not saying that, necessarily. I am saying THIS marriage is not salvageable. Salvage yourself b/c you do not seem to be making yourself your priority.

Your h may step up to the plate with a seismic change of heart and increased self awareness and maybe that will endure,

but more curve balls are coming in your life for sure, and you already have a life structured for chronic pressures of kids and 2 careers. So, do you want THIS man?

Because if you do, you have to let him go.

If you don't, you have to let him go....see the pattern?


I feel like I should be doing something for my M, for my family for my boys ... not for me. I've always put all of them ahead of me.

what if putting yourself IS what is best for your boys and your family and yes, your m?