If you kept reading further you would also see that a little later after that she invited me to come see her for the weekend all on her own and it was after I said those things to her.
I've read all of your posts, but I don't remember anything about her inviting you to visit. The closest to that was a comment you made that you were going to make a trip there on business and you were wondering if you should go see her, and ironically you made this comment:
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I want her to want to see me, rather than me forcing myself on her so to speak
That's kind of what you're doing now though- forcing yourself on her. But regardless, and I ask this in all seriousness, where do you see things going if you two do recon? I really don't see her ever moving back with you, she went through depression and anxiety and you were traveling all the time so not there to support her as much as she needed. She moved home to be with her support network, which is clearly extremely important to her. If you truly love and respect her you will not take her away from that lifeline, so are you going to offer to move to her home if you two reconnect? Because even if you do convince her to move back to Cali, do you not see this same scenario playing out all over again?
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I know my wife well and there are some things that she needs to see from me. One major thing is she needs to see that I put her first. Of course, most of you think that me going there is not about her being first, but me.
Everything you've said makes it sound like you're hoping for some kind of direction from her, you feel like you're in limbo which you've expressed many times that you hate, and you want to do -something- even if it's D (which you've also mentioned several times). Here's the thing- I think she WANTS limbo. She's still trying to sort out what she wants. She is probably missing you, but at the same time she doesn't want to go back to that life. She's unsure how to proceed, so she's stuck in limbo too.
You've already planned the trip, so go and see what happens. I honestly don't think anything will change one way or the other until she decides what she wants. But like 25 said, maybe you can plant some seeds if you can show her someone who genuinely LISTENS, VALIDATES and CARES about her. I get the impression from your posts here that you are a talker, and I don't mean that in a negative way, I'm one too. I'm an extrovert and you probably are as well. People like us have a VERY tough time listening, because we just want to interject our thoughts into the convo. We can barely wait until they're done so we can say something. But take it from me, the best thing you can do is shut up and listen. Read the validation thread and sear that into your mind before you go see her. LIVE THAT. Those are the seeds you want to plant- you are a sensitive guy concerned about her feelings, wants and needs. Good luck!
