Just took a bit to read your sitch .... thought I would chime in a little bit here.
Your thread does seem to have a common theme of you placing or attempting to place where/what stage your W is in with regards to MLC. From my perspective and you can take this for what it is .... the good ol 2x4 .... she is definitely in the Cake Eating Stage. This stage is not one of the 6 because it is alot like Cake Frosting and covers the entire thing if the LBS allows it.
To briefly summarize .... she starts working out ... happy hours with co-workers... helps a 'friend' who is going through D himself .. comes home at 4 ... Yeah, the flags here are hard to ignore. So you separate and she gets a little taste of solo life, misses the kids .... key term kids ... and decided to move back in and has your D inform you rather than to sit down and have a conversation with you.
My man .... you need some boundaries and like yesterday or this will unravel with a quickness.
As far as the MC goes .... I will tell you what my MC told me when I was precisely in your shoes (OM in the shadows) ..... MC will never work with 3 people. I get you are not sure if he is in nor out ... but you need to know this and its HER job to prove that to you.
What happens when she moves back in ... will you allow the happy hours and disrespect to you, the family and the marriage as she freely comes and goes as she pleases ... do you want an open marriage? These are Non-negotiables you need to lay down prior to her moving back in. And I know .. feels like if you make a stand she will get upset and do what ... leave you... to late she already did that. She may not like it but she will respect the fact you finally stood up for yourself.
