25yearsmlc 10 yrs later I File D (part 4)

[25yearsmlc]

Dale

thanks I'll try. H's income from 2015 (the last tax forms I have) is too high, not even close. And I'm a joint filer on that one AND the IRS says he under reported, so that's another complaint of HIS...amazingly

no taxes filed for 2016 and I won't sign any settlement till that is filed, again, jointly

But I will see what I can do.

What about H's parents - didn't you say he stands to inherit money? Maybe an appeal to the grandparents about what an excellent job D19 is doing in school, and how H has cut her and you off, they might come through with the money? (Or shame H into doing so?).


it's crossed my mind often. I'm not sure what the heck h has told them (but I know he has bad mouthed me far far more than I ever knew, some of which is distorted to an insanely unfair level) and I was fairly close to my FIL"s wife. She told d28 something about h "always talking about Alaska, why is 25 so surprised he wants her to go.." And d28 told her "dad never talks about it at home", which seemed like a surprise to FIL"s wife.

I know h brought OW to meet them in their Mexico mansion. -Feels Like I never existed. That part hurts me a lot. Then again, to my family, h is dead. They recall him, but they dismiss him based on behavior they witnessed themselves.


Grandparents love our kids, & I THINK they loved me, and my kids are FIL"s only grandchildren. BTW he's a hard working self made but also selfish man, to be clear.

Oh & AND h complained loudly and often to them about d19. It's true that D19 gave us a harder time as a kid but to be honest and fair, we gave her a lot less than we gave the other kids in terms of TIME...(& now in terms of money I guess). And d19 noticed.

Just before Father's Day, she told h recently that HE "did not raise" her. H argued the point, but d19 said "Dad, let's do the math...you were 'commuting' or just living elsewhere for almost 9 of the 11 years we lived in house...you were Not there for me" And supposedly this was news to h. He said something like 'that seems like a lot"...

I mean, wtf?

SO BACK to the grandparents, why don't I /awk/tell them? I think I'm afraid. Yep, that's why I'm resisting this. Like somehow I'll be blamed, or ignored. OR b/c h has lied to people about what HE IS paying - which is a lie. And h might be crazy enough to believe it, you know?

According to my L, When the judge ruled that h pay "temporary support in the amount of X" - h turned to his L & said "I'm not paying that the rest of my life!" Dan, h's bff informed me that h told him he'd have to pay X amount forever.."

When I told bff "no, it's temporary and he hasn't paid anyhow"< his bff admitted that "H didn't tell me that part"...

So then I think about having d19 ask and then for her to be refused, OMG it would kill her heart. Ugh. So much rejection.



Also, are your older kids working now? Might they be in a position to contribute since their educations were paid for?

They'd be willing but they are not able. Rather than explaining, suffice to say they're not able to at this point.

I feel bad enough about s31 taking on so much responsibility that ought to be mine or h's.

SO how can I mention this to the grandparents without sounding like I'm b1tching about h? Remember that h and I were on TV 14 months ago with a "wonderful m", which is the m I thought I was in...(freaking idiot, but I'll bash myself on that more later).

what about me saying (I knowingly say more than I should so you guys can edit)
this?

"Dear inlaws,

I'm Not sure what h has told you about our divorce but we obviously have very different narratives about our m. I'm baffled at some of the comments he has made to our children, b/c they are simply untrue & our children know this.

In any event, I thought you should know that h has cut D19 off of tuition, and is not in contact with our other children. This is not because of anything I have said or done, regardless of what h believes, tells himself, or says to others. He chose not to acknowledge their birthdays and he chose not to see them on his own and he chose not to be an involved father for a decade now. That's all separate from his treatment of me.

I hope the r's between them changes. FYI d19 is happier at college than anywhere before. She has made the Dean's list all 4 of her semesters. She has a good support system there.

H's income is used to determine financial aid and thus, d19 does not qualify even with her grades.

H told d19 that it is my fault he is cutting her off. This is both false & grossly unfair.

In case h has misinformed you, he's Not paying what the court ordered & h never has. H claims I had nothing to do with his career achievements or present earning capacity, but that somehow my professional resume & earning capacity "easily exceeds" his.

He has fought every single part of the most reasonable offers & his "negotiation strategy" seems to be to a scorch & burn, punish all family members for not validating his poor choices.

I can no longer help h with the illusion that he's a family man.

In any case, I thought you'd want to know that he's doing this to d19.

You are my children's only grandparents and I hope their relationships with you continues to be the source of good family memories that it has been for them and me.

Love, 25"


Below is what I WANT to say but a lot more calmly...


H has inflicted tremendous pain on the 4 people who loved him the most. H has betrayed me in every way a h can betray a w and is now betraying our youngest, most damaged child.

The wedge he has driven between himself, me and our kids, is exclusively a byproduct of his long term deceit, terribly nasty treatment and abandonment of us, and his utter lack of self awareness.

Due to h's demand that everyone -[i] even those who know ME, validate his choices and his very public flaunting of his "happiness" - no matter how cruelly handled, our children see him a in very bad light. This infuriates h so much that he punishes all of us. Hence the financial stoppage.

That is going to eventually sadden h b/c he will have no descendants, OR it won't sadden him b/c he lacks empathy at a cellular level.

Besides, In his NEW replacement family h will spend time and your wealth, and h will be hailed in that world.

Life ain't fair.

Signed, the bitter scorned stbxw. "
[/i]


So, guess this^^ won't help?