Haha! Tell me about it. No one was interacting with my last few big posts and then I say I'm going to see my wife and there it goes, like you said, BAM!
Okay I'm one of those who thinks you should have moved across country for her so yeah, I'm not opposed.
At this point I think you have nothing to lose by doing this unless you blow it. I would have given her a day's notice, btw.
I fly in on Thursday, which I have no plans of going to see her that day. I'm heading straight to my buddies place for a good bar-b-q and to catch up with a long time old friend and one my best friends! I have debated on what to do a lot as far as letting her know. I definitely don't want to give her friends and family to start bad mouthing it the whole idea, but I do want to give her notice. I was thinking the I would call her Thursday night and let her know I'm there. One one hand I think the element of surprise is a good one and if I go over in the morning she will be by herself. On the other hand I don't want her upset her by showing up before she can be presentable.
Not enough time for her to try & change your mind but for her to shower, think ahead of how she feels, what she wants, and for her not to panic or feel intruded upon by a guy at the door "surprising" her.
You're not a man returning from combat whom she's waiting for...
You need, for you both to say your peace face to face...This need not be "The Finale" but it may give you some closure.
AS LONG AS you arrive with no expectations of her slapping her forehead in a seismic change of heart, packing her suitcase and leaving with you...(this is Not The Graduate where you get to rescue the bride from the wrong groom) you could be fine.
I hope this will be a great seed planting trip. Not "the Finale" and not necessarily closure, but a gesture that creates hope, and not much more at this point.
Oh and you better handle /anticipate the possibility she will have plans with others and NOT change them, b/c she's not ready to do that (and she did not know ahead of time)
and she will feel great pressure from you just expecting her to rearrange her life b/c you "finally" showed up. That may make her flee, but since you are only there for X days, which she needs to know btw, she can meet you
And You need to have plans of your own...no matter what.
so you will need to be "content" with maybe a lunch and dinner with her, or just one face to face conversation.
I think you want hope AND OR closure, but maybe the goal can be a conversation In which you will listen more than talk and
show passion without anger,
optimism without insensitivity to her pain,
and a willingness to move on in your life, glad that you two met and wishing her the best. Because you want her last image of you to be one she will remember and MISS...
good luck
I really don't see this as the Finale or that by any means she is going to come home with me. Those thoughts haven't even crossed my mind honestly. All this is to me is a much needed face to face and a move in some kind of direction. She told me the other day that when I asked her about her weekend and if she did anything exciting that she pretty much just spends all her time at home and reading. Like I mentioned before it seems that the whole magic of being back home and having friends and family over everyday has worn off quite a bit. I highly doubt she will have much for plans, but I am there for 4 days which will include 2 week days and the weekend. If she does have plans and wants nothing to do with me then I really am fine with that. Like I said I am staying at a friends house who I have been wanting to go see for a few years now, so I will enjoy my time no matter what. I will not let her ruin because she simple can't.
I really like the way you put things here and planting the seed. That puts into words what I have been thinking. I want her to know that I am here for her and I am putting her first. My goal was for a simple conversation. I figured if we could go out for a bite to eat and just enjoy the day with maybe a 30 or so discussion about things when we have time would be a good thing. I really want us just to have a nice time together and just enjoy each others company. I don't want it to be a drag where all we do is discuss things because that isn't fun for either one of us, I'm tired of the same old stuff anyway and I'm ready to move past it.
