WH came back. Piecing. Past the 2 year mark ...

[25yearsmlc]

25, thank you again. I am humbled by you.
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It is so much easier to post replies to others and give advice, isn't it. The hardest thing is to look inside, be honest, and then share. Sometimes I avoid sharing when things get hard. Plus, I don't like to disappoint people.

Clearly this^^^ resonates with me. When I saw your post asking for my feedback a few months back I couldn't bear to disappoint you and others, & admit that I had filed.

I know you have been around the DB block, & given things a lot of thought. You know our situations are not very alike in some ways.

Sometimes the thing that most helps me here NOW, is to take my own advice.

Much easier to see the hope/hopelessness in other's martial situations than our own.

Pain sure colors a lot. And affairs and divorces and such, are traumatic ordeals.

One woman I know had cancer 4-5 years ago. She is now an LBSer divorcing. She told me "quite honestly, the cancer was less traumatic than this divorce". i believe her.

Cancer has protocols and statistics and ways to gauge progress...and you really have no choice but to go forward or give up. Maybe we need to see things that way. I'm not sure.




I told my H I wanted a separation. Things have been slowly spiraling downhill. There has been so much that has been said and done lately, that I find myself questioning everything. Has he even changed enough? Being sorry and remorseful is not the same. Have I even changed?


Some of these ^^ are only revealed in time, wouldn't you say?

What does "sorry/remorseful not the same" mean?

And if YOU have not changed, does that mean you are disappointed in yourself and need time apart to become the woman you want to become


OR

that inside this marriage you don't feel you will ever become the woman you want to become?


My logical brain has taken a backseat. I am tired. I feel like I want to avoid all this and just live my life without it. I don't have a plan yet. Just thinking a lot about how my life would be without this M and this ugly past.

Blu

No time machine Blu, you cannot go backwards to the "time before BD" and nor can your h. Remember when you said you had become very difficult. What is happening in you, now?

And here's another question...how is divorcing him going to help with the ugly past?

As for leaving and being tired, if not for the divorce proceedings themselves ($$$) and my d19 needing me more recently, I would be overseas. Much as I know it's the adventure and experience I want, the timing of it sure seems like I just want to run away.

H is in Alaska, so he literally could not be farther from the wreckage and still be in America. I mean, I get it.