WAS OR WHAT 10

[roist]

I WAS OR WHAT 9


As my last thread is nearly full I prefer to post in a new thread for a new beginning. A dramatic sentence that my post may not live up to!! I feel live wears me down and when I realise that I appear stuck again, I find the motivation to put in a new effort to change this. I am not specifically speaking about my situation but more in general.

I don't post that much in my own threads because I prefer to use the time it would take me to post, to figure out what I am going to do. I don't have all the answers and know posting here can help, but for now I feel a better use of my time is soul searching and solution finding.

In general I am low on energy at the moment. I assume it is to do with other non r stresses in my life, which I am seeking solutions for. I still manage to do some sport so I doubt it is physical. I am keeping an eye on this to be safe but not adding it to my stress list yet!!

But to start a new thread maybe it is time to discus my situation a little. Although still a few months away I will be at this three years shortly. I am fairly confident to make that mark and to be still with my W. It is possible either of us could hit a breaking point, but I don't think so.

So where are WE at. At a glance pretty much where we have been. Maybe one day I will take the time to analyse in-depthly the changes I notice, but for now an overview is enough.

A lot is missing from our R, but recently there has been a slight increase in better moments together. Nothing ground shattering but still improvement. These moments are still separated by nonconnected moments but objectively there seems to be more. Last week we chatted easily for over an hour one evening, covering many topics including future home improvement projects. In itself it wasn't huge but compared to other times where conversation is laborious or non existent, it was nice.

W does not initiate physical contact but more and more puts herself in situations where I usually will. Not sexual but still contact. Earlier on this would be shrugged off or avoided. There have been a few moments where she has placed her hand on me during banter. Again small stuff, but still am improvement.

I could list on and on micro improvements. Are these worth it. No. But they highlight a possibility of more. Time will tell.

There have been moments where I wasn't as nice as I would like to be and others where I outright needed to not spend time with her. At other times I pushed slightly towards her doing stuff alone or me taking the kids on my own. Sometimes I pushed harder than I prefer. But regardless my W has almost systematics chosen to stay around or come with us. In the future I will forge out more time alone with my.boys because I really want it. There seems to be less of a pull awayness about her. She is not all in but definitely not all out either.

So in essence the limbo continues. I am OK with that for the moment. I am not happy to just sit back, give it time and see how it developes. I will continue to try to chip away at her walls, at my imperfections and at improving the connection between us. Recently I read three M/R books:
1. ILYBNILWY book
2. SSM by Michelle
3. SSM guide for men

Shortly I will note some points I took from these. Until then best wishes to ye all