Thank you 25, Bttrfly, and Nee. I need to keep working on getting out and enjoying myself and not thinking about W. I guess I should say exW now but will keep saying w for now. I got an email right after the post before my last that my papers had gone through the court.
It's been awhile since I've made time to post. I got sick again right after the post before my last and lost my voice for 9-10 days(actually made me think less of D finalizing, lol) and I've been having to go out of town a lot for work so I've been exhausted. I haven't had a chance for doing much since this is the first week I've been home and healthy in the last few weeks but I did hang out with coworkers after work the last couple weeks while out of town which was kind of nice. I did sign up for a few meetup groups but haven't done anything yet. I know it doesn't mean much until I do something but it is the first step and I would never had signed up for something like that before all this.
W has been all over the place over the last few weeks which is a reminder to focus on myself. IDK if I should even write about it but here it goes because I'm just journaling now. The week after D finalized she was staying at my house w/the kids, she was texting and trying to find a reason to get angry. I let it roll off and when I didn't respond she got nice again, even commenting liking the color I painted the main bathroom. It was short-lived, when I got back my parents had got the kids a big above ground pool and my dad stopped by to help set it up while I had the kids. W stopped over unannounced and walked to the back yard and turned around and went back in, IDK if she said anything when we said hi but things were awkward with her and my dad after. He left without going back through the house (I could tell he was bothered) and W monstered on me about it. I was still not feeling good and let it go without saying much and she stormed out and then went to another concert with MLC friend the next day. A couple days later when I left town again she started texting about it. I didn't respond so then she called and monstered again saying she's tired of people treating her like ____. I told her what happened and that it was weird that he left through the side but that the D affected a lot more than just us two and he was upset, she kept it up but I told her I didn't have any more to say than what I already had. I don't need that lol. She got nice a few days later. Then while I was out of town still she started rapid texting me about the baby sitter treating her like ___ and she was tired of it, blah blah. I told her she was really quiet and shy and not to take it personal. She texted the next day saying she was nice and talked more texting and she was nice. Then the next day it started again, telling me the babysitter made her late. I told her just to talk to her about it then she started in about not asking for my advice and she's not stupid and she was just going to take the kids to work with her (yep they'll love that). I think she's strained monetarily so in MLC style she went this route. I ignored her texts then all the sudden I get a lol, you know me getting fired up about things etc. and everything was cool and the babysitter is fine now.
Father's day went well, w stopped over with the kids that morning and was dressed really nice. She took them to paint ceramics for me which was really nice and also got me a couple shirts. I thanked her and she said "you deserve it" and gave me a hug, the same exact thing I told her on Mother's Day. She asked what we were doing and said I'm sure you're going hiking or something but I didn't invite her. I did offer her breakfast which I had made the kids but she left without. The kids wanted to go fishing so that's what we did. It was a nice day, hard but nice.
W has been nice still, strangely last week when I was out of town again she kept texting one night, even after midnight wanting me to watch the same show she was watching and laughing at. I was nice and responded but wasn't overly anxious respond, she did wake me up. She's also been telling me she is not sleeping well and about the nightmares she's been having and wow they are messed up. She also texted me pics of her hand this weekend, she went out of town again to a friends and got hurt. I simply said I hope you're okay and then she sent more but I didn't respond.
Still journaling if you're still reading. I got a call from one of our credit unions at work, W has missed the last four car payments, it sounds like they were ready to repo her car but had her old address from before she moved back here. I thought it was paid off. I decided to call her and let her know which actually went okay. Before I would have felt bad and paid it to catch up but she can take care of it. She kept apologizing and said she would take care of it. I checked up today and she did and there are only two payments left so hopefully it's no longer an issue.
Trying to keep the focus on myself and kids but it is a little difficult with so much contact (the kids come here with babysitter during the day). W also tells me about her work, vents, etc. while here. I try to listen and can see how out of it she is, texting to ask where my car keys are - on the key holder on the side of the fridge like they've been for the last 15 years (she really doesn't know), coming home to a trashed house w/sliding door open and furnace running, kids drinking out of wine glasses because the dishwasher hasn't ran, etc. It's so insane.
One more thing, D has one of my old phones and pretends to call W all the time (it makes me sad and angry). She also makes comments to me about maybe her mom could come over, etc. W never called Saturday night like she said she would and Sunday when she called and I told the kids she was calling and D told me no thanks I already talked to her tonight referring to an imaginary conversation. This is so sad IDK what to do, should I say something to W or just keep an eye on this and keep being there for D? I ask them frequently how they are, if anything is bothering them, if they need to talk, etc.
