We hear you. Most of the LBS feel abandoned by God. I read once that we scream at God and he whispers back.
I will pray for you and for relief of the pain you feel. A faith based website I visit often says that the "prodigal" will portray happiness - it only covers up the hurt they feel inside.
Keep praying - and ask others to pray for you as well.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017