Now I'm really conflicted as to what to do, with some saying don't ask for the key and others sayin to take the key back. I really don't want to give her more ammo by taking the key so I'm leaning towards not taking it for now. I guess it'll just depend on how the talk goes.
Why not just ask her to please respect your private space, and call to schedule a time to come over before she comes. And maybe say, I hope you can respect my boundary on this without my going to the next step, which will be to change the locks. (But make sure you are OK legally to change them before you make that statement. I have no idea about your specific area and law!) And do it all very kindly and business-like, with no emotion involved. Just a thought.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
Why not just ask her to please respect your private space, and call to schedule a time to come over before she comes. And maybe say, I hope you can respect my boundary on this without my going to the next step, which will be to change the locks. (But make sure you are OK legally to change them before you make that statement. I have no idea about your specific area and law!) And do it all very kindly and business-like, with no emotion involved. Just a thought.
Yeah this is the approach I am wanting to take. The house it only in my name and I bought it before we were married so I can legally change them if I want, but I'm really trying to show her nothing but love and grace through this. Idk if that will back fire on me but it's the only approach I'm willing to do
So I exchanged some emails today with the W trying to get her to meet up with me to talk about some boundaries, I'll post our exchanges and let me know if I screwed up Me: Good Morning, So since you've got almost all your things out of the house I feel like we need to talk soon to discuss a few things. I'm thinking one day after work this week we can meet up for a few mins and discuss things.
W: Good morning, im not trying to be mean.... but it really depends on what you want to talk about. its been hard enough as it is and i dont want to keep having repeat conversations. i hope you have a good day too
Me: It's really just things about the house for the most part
W: Ok Im sure we can either meet up or talk on the phone one evening this week
Me:ok id really prefer in person this time, just let me know what day works best.
W:alright Ill try
Me:I know this is all very hard for you too, and i really do appreciate you willing to meet me in person this time to talk.
W:ive had a lot going on in the evenings after work lately so im not positive but will try to. I am also worried about the conversation turning into one we have had many times and mentally i just cant do that anymore.
Me:I understand you feeling that way, im not going to pressure you into reconciliation talk. You already know what I want and how I feel. If and when that talk comes it'll be your choice.
W: So why does it have to be in person?
Me: I know you dont trust my words or actions right now, I understand why cause of how some of our other talks went. I just feel like this one needs to be in person is all. I am not going to turn it into a reconciliation talk.
And she didnt respond after that, but she did come by the house when I was working to finish getting the last little bit out of the house.
She just REALLY does not want to meet me in person still
It's more than that I'm about to go out of the country for a week and I need to see her reaction when I ask her to respect my privacy and not go in the house while I'm gone. If she gets crappy than I'll have to decide my next move after that.
Ok maybe I DO have another thing I want to say to her. I really just want to acknowledge and validate her feelings as to why she feels this is best for her and to let her understand I KNOW why she feels separation is best for her. Is that bad to bring up? She constantly said when she was leaving you don't understand ho I'm feeling and why I feel this is what's best for me. Well I do understand now
Forget her feelings and her reaction. Text her to not come by the house unannouced anymore and return the key. You wanting to meet her for that is just going to piss her off. Which will make push further away from ever wanting to meet you in person. Trust me we all know how your W will feel without having to see her face. You wanting to validate her is bringing up R talk. Just let it go for now.
