H didn't say I was controlling. His complaints that he told me were that he didn't feel appreciated. C said my need to know everything is going to be okay comes from what happened last time. That because H lied so much my brain tells me to keep asking the same question and maybe on the 10th time he will tell me the truth. He tried to explain all that to H.
I wasn't snooping like this last time... once I found out about OW I went back and looked at the phone bill but didn't do these things I've done now.
I'm just fighting with accepting it's over and there's no hope.
I'm comparing this to last time and it seems more hopeless to me. That's why I'm spiraling today. The reality of my new life.
I don't act like this in front of H. Last night I casually had a plate on the stove when he got home. The boys and I had a dance party in my room then my youngest went out to show h while he was on the couch and S6 wanted me to dance too I just laughed and said I didn't want to scare anyone.
This place really is my outlet.
I jut want someone to tell me what to do how to interact and how to let go. I know that's all unrealistic by the way. But that's where my mind is. I want everyone to tell me what move I should make and when to make it. I'm so afraid to do more damage.
