You can stop thoughts. It takes practice, but you can. Google thought-stopping techniques.
A bit of neuroscience for you: these pathways that you go down are built into your brain's architecture since you were young. The more you allow the pattern, the more cemented the pathways.
The good news is that there is plasticity in the brain. You can get rid of the pathways that cause you to spiral, simply by breaking your pattern. You cannot allow thought A to progress to thought B and then on to C. You have to be ready to pick up when thought A happens and stop it there.
This is the only way.
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help but think there's no hope if he's willing to obtain a 30 year mortgage.
Well, according to my H buying a home with a 30 year mortgage isn't a big deal and less than a year later you can just sell it again. No big deal.
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That's pretty telling to me
"Telling" about what, T0? What are you trying to do here? Mindread? Soothsay? Predict?
YOU CAN'T DO THOSE THINGS, T0. It's a waste of time.
What this all comes back to, T0, is you trying to be in control. You are unwilling to let life happen and believe that everything will be okay, and I believe this tendency of yours is what stifled your H in your marriage because it meant you had to be in control of him, too.
You may be under the impression that someone controlling only is maybe male, and yells, and things like that. But a softspoken woman can be incredibly controlling if she's not willing to drop the rope and let life happen and know it will all be okay.
