Now or .....?

[otw]

So it has been about a year since I posted on my own thread. Figured I would give an update.

Last time I was here I was getting ready to test W about doing something together. We had done a few things as a family and I helped her with some stuff. As soon as that was done she went cold and not long after I found she was dating someone and had them around my kids when we specifically agreed we would discuss this before.
I said my peace and eliminated contact with her except necessary kid stuff.

the year had moved on and kids had continually expressed they don't like staying with their mother and don't want to be around the OM. Xmas came along and the previous year I let her come and be here in the morning for kids. Plan was to let me go there for kids this year then at 1130 at night xmas eve she asked thar I don't because she wanted facetime OM that is out of town.
new year moved in and the topic of finalizing the divorce came up and we needed to settle up a few items and we discussed and agreed on things. never actually finalized for a month or two.

right round end of april I called kids one day and my S6 is yelling that OM is not with mom anymore and will not be around. I say ok and change topic. When W is dropping kids off next day S6 again goes into it ver excited and says we should be together again. I just roll off back, I'm sure she felt awkward.
fast forward a week to our anniversary. day comes and I do not acknowledge it. I did last year pretty sure OM was in picture.

Kids and I are leaving a dinner and I receive a text from W. "i know today is a weird day but I wanted to say something to you...thanks for being a great guy and an amazing father to our kids. Happy cinco de mayo" we were married may 5th.

I wasn't sure how to respond to this. I finally responded with it is not a weird day, but I understand. thank you for those words and I am doing the best I can. Happy cinco de mayo to you.

After this it seemed like a whole bunch of communication opened up between us. She would text me about non important things. she seemed happy to talk and very friendly and light. coming up on mothers day weekend which was her weekend she had to teach at a dance competition and I was taking the kids early Saturday. an hour after she dropped them off she called me crying. there had been a tragic death of a babay in her family. it was awful. we had just spent the night before at my sons talent show and out to eat telling stories about them being babies and to think of a baby passing was awful. we communicated throughout the day about it.
the following day was mothers day and I had tickets to a monster truck show for the kids that we have all always gone to. She expressed interest again. so the next day we all went then ate dinner at a restaurant and went back to her place and did a bunch of things with kids. again she seemed so happy to do this, followed by texts later in the evening.
the communication continued this way for a wahile. we attended the funeral together as a family and went to dinner with her entire family afterwards.

we continued to do things together and communicate and memorial day was approaching. she had the kids this weekend and in all years past we had went camping together, even the previous when we were not together. Again this year we did. her and I laughed and talked the entire time. we had too much to drink one night and I had to take care of her and we actually ended up sleeping in the same bed in the camper after kids fell asleep in other. nothing sexual at all.

During all this time we have not had a relationship talk, nothing from her regarding missing me etc..but it seemed like signs were being shown.
A few weeks would go by and same communication but she seemed a little colder some days then others right back to the new way. Her dance recitals came about and I helped with them and she thanked me so much telling me she couldn't have done it without me etc..we still had plenty of communication but got a little less.
Fathers day came and we did some things together with kids and then D9 bday we all did stuff, but now it seems very cold almost like she has disappeared.

a few notes for thought

I have never told her anything to make her think I was trying to make things work. I have been very nice and helpful which could be read that way.

there has been a pattern that when she has the kids she is willing to do things together, but when she does not then she wants no part.

she has become a little secretive to kids about things. S6 asked her flat out if she had a boyfriend at dinner and she quickly said no then he asked me pushing us towards each other. we both laughed.

I will admit I have never gotten over her. something inside me tells me we are supposed to be together and will be. I know silly but when I feel very strongly about something most times in my life it becomes that way. say what you will about that.

I have had gut feelings that she may be testing waters with different OM and hiding obviously.

I am interested in hearing everyones opinions. Whether false start, I chased too much and involved myself too much and didn't let her make more of an effort. I was feeling that I need to reciprocate her advances. may be she was lonely from brekup and needed something to latch on to. I really have been down all of the roads and what I am doing currently is just backing off completely. I don't send the texts or initiate at all.

It hurts and I want to as we all know but I know this is what I am supposed to do, I do really just want to look at her face to face and simply say what happened? why are you different towards me?

I know all of you will smack the 2x4 for that!

anyway thoughts and comments go!!