So I am wondering if you can dig a bit deeper for us. What was the mental/emotional shift that happened? What was your thinking and you feeling that helped you to make this decision? I mean what really changed here? Can you share those details.
Thank you, Blu
I weighed my two options and my vision of the future with both. I like being married. I like having someone to share my life with and to share theirs with me. All the joy, sorrow, successes, failures, etc. All of it. That's just me. I learned through this process that I don't have to have that. I learned as I went that I can cope with my failures and celebrate my successes all myself. I want someone to share my life with but I don't need someone to share my life with.
Understanding and accepting this has given me strength enough that I considered walking away from the long term M instead of just being thrilled that my WW figured herself out and wanted to stay with me. Although I contributed to her wanting to stay with me because I completely reinvented my life without her and it was a pretty good life, the decision was still hers...at the time.
Anyway, I weighed my future with her and my future without her. I know she's imperfect. I know she hurt me horrifically. I know she's capable of lying, cheating, and betraying me. Those are knowns about her.
I also know she herself was going through unchartered waters of aging and questioning your life. Hey, I did it too, I just didn't blow up our lives. I bought a Harley instead. Different people react differently. She made horrible choices and blew up our lives. I don't condone what she did but I do empathize with the mindset that got her there.
I won't go into all the gory details of the cheating the "love you not in love with you" the "I don't know what I want" crap. That's all MLC water under the bridge.
I changed my mind about D because although she has these negative known's, she also has so many positive known's. She's kind, funny, brilliant, clever, hard working, loving, caring, compassionate, loyal (funny as it is I believe that). She was a great mother and wife for 26 straight years.
What she did will leave a scar on my heart permanently. She knows that. What she wants to do is stand by my side and caress that scar and make it feel better any time it's starting to hurt again.
I changed my mind not because of me but because of her. I weighed it out and she has owned her actions, is very remorseful, has worked toward repairing our relationship even with great personal sacrifice to herself.
She has done everything for redemption that I could have listed and a few things I wouldn't have thought to list. That's the main reason I'm staying and even going to be 100% vulnerable with her again. That's tough because that scar is still there and always will be but I'm going to do it anyway. I don't feel like we can have an authentic rebuilt marriage unless we're both all-in and 100% vulnerable.
She has her own leap of faith to take because I filed once on her and she knows I'll do it again. She knows I'm different now. I'm not the "I'll stick with you no matter what" guy anymore and that's a good thing. If I can impress anything onto readers here it's don't be that person. Don't be a guarantee for anyone or you invite them to treat you like crap. You're a prize to be won over and over. We all are. Act like it and demand nothing less.
Anyway, rambling on, in your sitch is hubby remorseful? Really remorseful? What has he or is he willing to sacrifice of himself for you and your M?
