Newby here . . . (Thread 7)

[JRuss]

Hey guys -- long time no see. I had to step back from this forum, as it was making me sad to read all of the LBS posts, never stopping, seemingly always a new crop of people done wrong and suffering, all saying the same thing, thinking maybe they can save their marriages . . .

Anyway, I'm divorced. It was effective 2 weeks ago today. She moved out May 20th, and we've been doing the shared custody thing. I miss my kids a lot when they're with her. I rarely miss her. I did have a bit of a setback last week when I took the kids to her house to drop them off, and my S10 gave me a quick tour of his new place. He took me into the area where she has her computer set up and, before I knew what I was seeing, I spied a list of password reminders, one of which is to her match.com account. The password she uses is the date our divorce went final. I felt bummed for a few days after that but am back doing my thing now. I don't really understand celebrating the date you legally gave up half of your children's childhoods, but then I don't understand her at all, anymore, and haven't for a long time.

Overall, things are better since we've moved apart. A lot better. It was such a demoralizing, demeaning place to be, always getting the signal, overt or not so, but always there, that she didn't think I wasn't good enough, that she'd made a mistake, etc. I lived with that way, way too long.

The kids seem to be doing ok with all of this. I'm keeping my eye on them but, for now, they seem ok, and that's all you can hope for anytime, regardless of your marital status. Obviously I'm going to keep that my focus.

I wish I had something more uplifting to say. I see some posts from some former LBS indicating that they're happier than they've ever been. I can't say that's my truth. I was happier when my W was still in the marriage than I am now. But I'm a lot happier than I was in our long, long in-house separation, and I'll get there, eventually. Still GALing, still throwing myself all in with my children. Teaching myself how to cook and run a home -- it's all pretty great if you stay in the moment.

I hope you all are doing well, and I'll try to catch up on your sitches.