Thank you for updating your sitch and pos developments. I am really happy for you, and not because you decided to stay and work on the M, but because you seem confident/resolved in your choices. I think we both know that this piecing process is not linear and can be more of a 3 steps fwd and then 2 steps back.
I think a lot of posters/DBers (and ourselves included in the early stages) put most of their focus on getting the S back. We are DBing are tails off and to some extent waiting to see if they come back, all the while trying to convince ourselves it is for us. Somewhere along the way, we realize it really IS for us and not to win them back. This is the point where we increase our odds that they do come back, as the real detachment has begun. As you have all said, not all do, and for many they will never come back.
Your sitch is of particular relevance to me because you went through a period recently where you said you were done piecing and filing for D. You said more than once that even tho your W had been remorseful and committed to the M (done everything you needed), she was still tainted and would always be. This def had an affect on me because at times I feel the same way, and even to the point that I felt defensive with you because I am trying to fight that feeling! I have said more than once that if I leave my M and a become the WAW, I don't want it to be because of the A alone(one difficult time period) but that I want it to be because the M cannot work. I am still struggling to put head over heart. I haven't updated, but I have asked H for separation.
So I am wondering if you can dig a bit deeper for us. What was the mental/emotional shift that happened? What was your thinking and you feeling that helped you to make this decision? I mean what really changed here? Can you share those details.
Thank you, Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
