I can't pray anymore. I have a boulder of pain in my heart instead of the peace I crave.
The pain isn't even about my WH. It's stemming from feeling abandoned by God.
WH has told me how happy, how in love he is. It kills me to see how free and unpained he is. A friend of mine bumped into him last week and told me he looked really well. It's not right.
I screamed out to God yesterday. Begged for a sign, a word, anything. To let me know He exists. That he's listening. That I'm not alone in my grief. That the promises for his faithful in the Bible might come true.
Nothing came. I feel abandoned afresh, by but God now.
