It doesn't work. You have to plan AND execute your new life without her and make it a great one. Let her see it but not be a part of it. Show her that you're first prize and not a consolation prize. Be her plan A...or if not her, then someone else's in the future. Never be anyone's plan B. That's too soul crushing. You'll hate yourself for it. I've followed your story and I think your situation is savable. You have to be willing to let her go to bring her back. So let her go and start living your great new life right now.
I wont threadjack too much but I will offer this as it reinforces what you were posting and so may help others: I finally started some real detachment the past nearly two weeks, now, after I finally discovered the depth of her deception. Pretty much completely stopped responding/interacting two weekends back, and made it a point to be where she was not, and it was like she wouldn't leave me alone, then, following me around house, texting constantly, etc. Then, this past weekend went out twice-- first time, she asked if she could come and I said, noncomittally, "sure". The next day I just went. Then, sunday, she asks me "were you going to to ask me to come if I didn't invite myself Friday" to which I responded simply "No", and then she also asked "Why didn't you call me to join you on Saturday" to which I responded, basically "I didn't want to." Both of those really seemed to shake her, although she recovered enough to tell me later in the convo "I know we're through because it doesn't bother me to think of you out with other people or even sleeping with someone else." Yeah, right. Which is why she asked me. Anyway, the detachment DOES get their attention. Whether or not it turns things around is an entirely different matter. They can, as you have said, just legitimately be completely done with the MR (which, admittedly, mine may be-- there was a LOOONG period of neglect, there). But, even in that case, it makes sense to have detached because it makes YOUR life better. The past few weeks I have even noticed that feeling of "well being" starting to creep in when I am out without her and having a good time-- Kind of an "everything will be okay, i AM a fun, desirable man who people (particularly women) will want to be around and have a relationship with, and God will make sure I pull through this and have a great life one way or another" kind of feeling. It is not overwhelming, but I am getting there. I think there is alot to what cadet says about the detachment necessarily being like an onion. Takes several stages before you get down to "hard core" detachment.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Anyway, the detachment DOES get their attention. Whether or not it turns things around is an entirely different matter. They can, as you have said, just legitimately be completely done with the MR (which, admittedly, mine may be-- there was a LOOONG period of neglect, there). But, even in that case, it makes sense to have detached because it makes YOUR life better. The past few weeks I have even noticed that feeling of "well being" starting to creep in when I am out without her and having a good time-- Kind of an "everything will be okay, i AM a fun, desirable man who people (particularly women) will want to be around and have a relationship with, and God will make sure I pull through this and have a great life one way or another" kind of feeling. It is not overwhelming, but I am getting there. I think there is alot to what cadet says about the detachment necessarily being like an onion. Takes several stages before you get down to "hard core" detachment.