If you're "faking" the detaching they can tell. She knows she still owns your heart, can hurt you, and that gives her power over you. You're co-dependent. Your happiness is tied too much to her. You have to really detach. Her activities or words couldn't hurt you if you're too busy out having a great life to hear or see them.
Too many of us try to fake our way through 180, GAL, detachment, etc. I did. It doesn't work.
The only other thing I will add is that you can think of detachment like peeling an onion, it has layers, so I agree you need to come to a place of real detachment, however it takes time and is done in layers and stages.
