Dang, TxHubby, that's amazing! Really happy for you! And all that you posted up there even made me tear up just a bit. (Im a bit a of a closet "sap", at least for a dude.) I know I have been reading your stuff for a while, and have been able to sense the hard feelings you still had for your wife, even though you were moving on and becoming completely happy with your own self and life. So, so happy for you that she found her way back and that you found it in your heart to reconcile. You beat the odds-- I guess you really were the "lighthouse."
And reading you is helping me. After reading your latest, i am coming more to the conclusion that it is detachment that I am struggling the most with in my own sitch. Self improvement, check. 180s, check. But I still let what the W is up to bother me too much, and as such it is still a dagger to the gut whenever she does something hurtful. Mine is not cocky and manipulative, etc., but actually somewhat contrite, though she is defensive, and has not come around to full-on remorse. It is quite possible that she will fall into the "exit affair" or "the marriage is just plain dead/done" categories. But I hope, and I have faith that God has something good planned for me whether with my W or without. There are little signs here and there... but perhaps I just need to be less concerned about those until they become obvious and SHE approaches me.
Thanks for your insights, they are really helpful, and, again, I am very, very happy for you.
If you're "faking" the detaching they can tell. She knows she still owns your heart, can hurt you, and that gives her power over you. You're co-dependent. Your happiness is tied too much to her. You have to really detach. Her activities or words couldn't hurt you if you're too busy out having a great life to hear or see them.
Too many of us try to fake our way through 180, GAL, detachment, etc. I did. It doesn't work. You have to plan AND execute your new life without her and make it a great one. Let her see it but not be a part of it. Show her that you're first prize and not a consolation prize. Be her plan A...or if not her, then someone else's in the future. Never be anyone's plan B. That's too soul crushing. You'll hate yourself for it. I've followed your story and I think your situation is savable. You have to be willing to let her go to bring her back. So let her go and start living your great new life right now.
