In the end, I still love her and know that nobody is perfect and that I'd rather grow into an old geezer with her, caring for each other as our bodies eventually decay, and some day when either of us are on our death bed that the other's face will be the last thing we see as we leave this place.
That vision of the future was more appealing to me than a similar vision with someone else. I know I could find that if I wanted but I've realized I already have it so I'm staying. I'm all in and will never bring up her MLC/cheating again unless she does.
Dang, TxHubby, that's amazing! Really happy for you! And all that you posted up there even made me tear up just a bit. (Im a bit a of a closet "sap", at least for a dude.) I know I have been reading your stuff for a while, and have been able to sense the hard feelings you still had for your wife, even though you were moving on and becoming completely happy with your own self and life. So, so happy for you that she found her way back and that you found it in your heart to reconcile. You beat the odds-- I guess you really were the "lighthouse."
And reading you is helping me. After reading your latest, i am coming more to the conclusion that it is detachment that I am struggling the most with in my own sitch. Self improvement, check. 180s, check. But I still let what the W is up to bother me too much, and as such it is still a dagger to the gut whenever she does something hurtful. Mine is not cocky and manipulative, etc., but actually somewhat contrite, though she is defensive, and has not come around to full-on remorse. It is quite possible that she will fall into the "exit affair" or "the marriage is just plain dead/done" categories. But I hope, and I have faith that God has something good planned for me whether with my W or without. There are little signs here and there... but perhaps I just need to be less concerned about those until they become obvious and SHE approaches me.
Thanks for your insights, they are really helpful, and, again, I am very, very happy for you.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
