Anger is good at this point. It'll give you strength. Don't be a doormat. I don't want to be rude but you've been way too much of a doormat throughout this process. He knows you're a guarantee and he can play with your heart all he wants because if his plan A (OW) doesn't work out he's pretty sure you'll take him right back. Don't be anyone's plan B.
Set YOUR boundaries and what they should be for a marriage and stick with them.
Start planning your life with the kids without him. Plan events and do them without inviting him. Don't always be available on his schedule. That's not planning life without him.
His fantasy new relationship is doomed to failure. It was conceived on lies, secrets, betrayal. Two cheaters never last especially if families have been hurt in the process. Personally I favor exposure because that helps build your support network and gets you some allies while at the same time isolating the cheaters from their support network who didn't know they were cheating.
Start your GAL right now. Stop worrying about his seedy sleazy comings and goings. That's not the kind of person you want to associate with or even want your kids associating with. He's in a cheater's fog. A scummy sleazy fog. Let him wallow there until he wises up or spirals even further downward but DON'T let him drag you there with him.
You have to start detaching. Remove him from that inner most layer of your heart. He has forfeited that spot. Start doing things without him. Especially if there are things you liked before the marriage, that he didn't, so you gave them up. Revisit them. Rebuild friendships that suffered due to marriage (we all have those).
In other words, leave him to his sleazy new life and build an awesome new life for yourself that he's not invited to share. That'll make you far more attractive than his sleazy OW. At some point he'll see her for what she is. After all, she's a cheating skank. All cheaters are skanks. You're too good to give your heart to a skank.
180 hard. Force yourself to GAL. Live for you. Do what you want. Do things with the kids. NEVER invite him. Plan birthdays, holidays, etc. with them and NOT him. After all, he doesn't want this family, he wants his sleazy new life. Let him have it.
