Wow .... had to go back and read my own thread a bit, hard to believe its been 2 months since I have updated ... I recall a time the updates were daily... MLCr sneezed, MLCr blinked, Mlcr wore new socks.
Well lets see, I have been pretty busy. I had to laugh at myself a little bit as I sat down this weekend after going out to a little party. Over the past few months I got a new tattoo, bought a truck, continue to ride the Harley as much as possible given the weather here has been amazing and it hit me, outside of a OW I would diagnose myself as having MLC with all these changes ... but then I realized I am not in crisis, I am just living life and still doing a good deal of mirror work. Something I am not so sure will ever stop as every time I improve I feel the rush to continue doing so.
As far as the MLCr goes ... there seems to be an increase in phone calls where as she could just as easily text or email. Seems to have started back around Mothers Day as I mentioned and continued. S talked to her last week and shared with me she was crying and did not share with him why. I Listened to him and showed some compassion but honestly didn't really give it much thought at the time. A few days later talking to a fiend as his Anniversary would coming up it hit me .. yup... Her crying was on our anniversary, the day went by without me even noticing though its always around Fathers Day and to be honest I could never really remember it even when we were actively married ... Bad Husband ...lol
Another head scratcher, S told me she picked out the Fathers day card and gift, the gift was a DVD ... to which I chuckled as S knows 'Dad' is an internet Pirate....."Argghhhh", I stream stuff that is in the theaters but as S was quick to point out .. it was a nice thing. The card perked my ears a bit ... said something about being an amazing role model, I am still not sure what struck me more, the wording of the card or the fact she went out and picked it up.
So with all that ^^ I have been really trying to live my life without the MLC glasses on to be honest. It helped me to understand how someone could annihilate 25+ years but now whats done is done. I thought the other day, I am so far removed from where I was and who I was at BD that this person and the person she showed me would not really have much in common. I say this from a place of indifference without much feeling. That advice I received about walking my own path and not worrying about where she is, she would have to catch up has come to fruition and honestly she would have to sprint for years to get to where I am and where I continue to push myself.
That said .... I think deep down I still want to have the option to make that decision, 'to R or not' .... I am of the 1-5% mind that it would happen but I find the idea of that would come with some closure that none of us ever really seem to achieve unless you actually do reconcile.
I have been doing a good deal of reading and listening to self improvement techniques which revolve around visulization and actively pursuing goals. This has helped my overall moods and energy, along with summer I just seem to have this everything is new and leading to something better feeling as I look forward to whatever it is may come.
I hope you all are well ... as always I pop in and read a bit
