I really needed to read these comments. Because W likes the nicer version of me. But I was never this extra nice guy and she fell in love with me. So being nice alone will not do it. I need to get back to the old me. The person was before I became a H and father. That person was bold and could careless if anyone wanted to leave him, because I had a philosophy that there were so many other women available. My issue is that I allowed time and comfort kill the person I was once was. All my GAL's have consisted of doing things I enjoy. But their all safe and peaceful. I need to go out, party and really enjoy myself. Come home with some real good stories...lol
I mean that's really what married life is- settling down, having kids, creating a comfortable domestic environment, focusing on the family instead of ourselves, etc. It's ironic to me that we basically sacrifice our old self for the sake of the marriage and then later on get penalized with a BD for not being our "attractive" old selves anymore, LOL! So yeah, we need to get back in touch with who we were.
You weren't rude or mean to her before, but you were no doubt a lot more independent. You were happy with yourself and your life whether she (or anyone else) was a part of it or not. You took care of yourself and your appearance. Get back in touch with those attributes, and do it for you, not for her.
Years ago someone here used to post a Youtube clip that was from some movie, it was two guys having a convo about BD. I'm going from memory but one guy says to the other something like:
"So let me get this straight, if I want her back I have to act like I don't want her back, I have to be strong and independent. But I can't really just act, because if I do she'll know it's just an act and won't come back. So I really have to not care, because if I don't care about her then she will want to come back. Is that right?"
"Yeah, that's it!"
Wish I knew what movie it was from because I never did see it. Anyway, the point being that you not only have to find yourself, but you have to get to the point where you're doing it all for YOU and not for HER. Because as long as you do it for her it's just tricks to get her back and she'll see through that.
