Had another talk with my W over the weekend. She initiated the talk, not me. She started by saying she doesn't hate me and doesn't want me to hate her. She had picked up on my mood lately, which hasn't been the best. I was quite down last week. Its something I'm really focusing on fixing right now, its just bloody hard!
I spoke my mind a bit more this time, told her some hard truths and how I was really feeling. Told her I was sick of the limbo I was in and that I didn't know if I could go on much longer. Told her how everything we have been trying over the past 8 months or so has been my idea, nothing has come from her. How when I think back, she hasn't really shown me that she is willing to try everything and fight to fix the MR. It's all come from me.
At one point she broke down a bit, gave me a long hug and sobbed "what have I done". I wasn't trying to upset her or make her feel bad, I'm just sick of the whole situation and let her know how I was feeling. At no point did I ask to try anything, plead her to stay, beg etc. I have probably done this, in one way or another, when we have talked in the past. It wasn't a heated discussion at all, was completely civil.
She moved into the spare bedroom a couple of nights before this. She wants space. I hear that loud and clear. I on the other hand don't want to feel like [censored] anymore. I am really trying this week to pick myself up and focus on me. I'm mentally preparing myself for all this to not work out. Trying to anyways. I'm seeing my psychologist this week so see what that brings.
