Betrayed Spouse - Round 2

[WshIKnw]

Dale, I don't feel very qualified to be giving you much advice, which is why I suggest you talk to a DB Coach. I do feel strongly about the advice I have given so far, though, especially about not going too much no contact on a wife that felt unloved. Since you aren't getting a whole lot of help from other people, I will chime in with a few more things.

First, I want you to think back over the last ten months. When did things seem to be better with your wife? When did things seem to be worse? How were you behaving and talking, or not talking, during those times? Do more of the things that have seemed to help your situation, and none of the things that seemed to hurt your situation. If you can't think of many things that have hurt or helped your situation, then I would wonder whether you have tried enough things -- experimented enough.

I wonder whether you have experimented enough, period. You seem to be in a rut with her, where nothing has changed much lately. Ask yourself whether that is true. You know better than we do. If it is true, consider the following. It is often said that it's foolish to continue doing the same thing hoping for different results. Clearly there is a question though as to how long you should do something before determining that it's not going to work. I can't answer that for you. I think you know the answer to that better than anyone. If you are a man of faith, I would advise seeking answers there. I will tell you that I have sought help from basically everywhere, during the last 7 months. You know what 180's are, right, Dale? It's doing the opposite of what you normally do, to try to elicit a different, positive response from your spouse. People build up habit and routine, in regard to how they behave and react to one another. Mixing it up a bit, throws your spouse off, and requires them to behave differently than usual. Different can mean something positive or something negative, but I'd say that at least you are trying new things, if you get some negative response. Just don't do those things again that elicit negative response. 180's also make you appear more interesting and exciting to your spouse, because it makes them wonder about you. It makes you appear more mysterious, which is very attractive to your spouse.

My gut is telling me this wont go any further without more drastic actions. I'm a little nervous about striking out but I would feel better going down swinging.

I think we both agree that you need to mix things up a bit, but be careful about drastic actions. Anger is your enemy. Anger probably fuels her ability to do mean things to you, like have the affair and leave you for wife stealer. If you do things that will likely make her mad, make sure they are things that earn her respect at the same time. Part of your problem, I believe, is that your wife lost respect for you, like I believe all wayward wives do. She has to respect you again, before she is going to be attracted to you again, and want to go back to you. So if your drastic measures are done out of love and to build respect, then I think they could be very good for you, even if they do make her mad. Otherwise, I'd say steer clear of things that will make her mad. Have you read Sandi's Wayward Wife threads? I consider them a must read. Sandi went wayward with her husband, and has spent a lot of time on these forums. She seems to have very good insight into the mind of a wayward wife, which is what you are dealing with.

Lastly, how much are you doing the DB techniques? For example, are you being mysterious, or are you telling your wife everything you are doing? I highly suggest the Last Resort Technique video series. I found a coupon code before I bought it, that took a good chunk off its price.