All I needed was to know that, regardless of her feelings towards me ATM, did she genuinely want/wish for our MR to work. If she didn’t, there was no point in me being there anymore. In more or less words, she said yes. She said she wishes she had feelings for me, they just aren't there right now. I’m happy with this. I’ve read enough books lately to realise you can't just simply turn those feelings back on.
Oh boy. Well I've seen this play out often, and it's not what you think it is.
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I told my W we need to get help, real professional help. We need guidance. She is booking in to see a psychologist and I am booked in to see one next week. I told her that I want us to go to some joint sessions together as well. She agreed to all this.
Not good. In her current state of mind, counseling is more than likely going to push her out the door. Most MC is just divorce facilitation. There's no interest or effort in saving marriages. YOU should go to C, but let your W decide whether or not she wants to go to IC and y'all should definitely not go to MC unless it's your W's idea. And I don't mean you say it and she agrees, I mean she says "I want to do this and think it would be beneficial". I really don't think she's there yet.
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I feel a lot better after last night, like we have taken a lot of the pressure off ourselves already.
I hate being the bearer of bad news but you're putting too much hope into this. It's not unusual for a WAS to agree to counseling, but they almost always use it to their advantage. You'll sit there session after session talking about how the feelings are gone until the C will say "well maybe a temporary S is a good idea" and then she will be like "YES we should try that!!!!" It has played out this way countless times, including in my sitch. The WAS goes to MC so they can check it off their list of "Things I Did to Save the Marriage But it Didn't Work Anyway".
Give her time and space. I know you said you will but it bears repeating because most LBSs think "time and space" means "don't text her for 15 minutes and then send 6 texts" and "let her go to the store by herself this time but be waiting by the door when she leaves and gets home." You really need to make yourself scarce, I can't emphasize that enough. The last thing you want to do right now is rush her into MC and pressure her with a bunch of talk about the future and such.
