June 2 I finally began to take some action for myself. That's my anniversary so its easy to remember. I've made pretty good strides. I've distanced myself a great deal. Not total detached but getting closer. Since then, I speak with a M counselor and a marriage group once a week. I've been reading and writing a lot lately. DB is probably the 3rd book I've read cover to cover. I have a freaking library of self help books that have never even been opened. Since June 2, its rained here every last day so I'm trying to GAL but my version of GAL is outside activities. As far as the PIES, Ive been working on everything except emotional but I do have an psychiatrist appointment soon. I would like to find/work on the reasons for me not being outwardly emotional and loving. Acts of service is all I know how to do. In hindsight, I felt like if I fixed my wifes car that was enough but that's rarely enough in actuality.
Quick recap of my R:
Wife moved out 10 months ago with another man. She believes I don't love her enough to reconcile. She still says she's surprised that I even care she had an affair. She went from one of the best people I ever met to a constant liar and unreliable person. We still talk almost everyday but the duration and substance is lower. She is now looking to buy a house. I asked her why and she says she has nothing to show for her life so she wants a house (She seems like she is going crazy with material things and looks). I don't have much to say to her anymore. I do have a nervous excitement about my next chapter although I still want to reconcile but I find that waning a bit. I also find my eyes wandering at other women. My friends told me some women found out about me and are asking questions about my availability. I find that tempting because I'm lonely but know at my current state that will end in disaster. Plus I believe I shouldn't date unless divorced.
Just writing to get my thoughts down. Anyone see anything that stands out? Approach bad? Also, when should one just go total no contact and when should more drastic measures be taken. My gut is telling me this wont go any further without more drastic actions. I'm a little nervous about striking out but I would feel better going down swinging.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
