Here again part 8

[skyhigh]

Cadence, I love your post, I think exactly the same way.
Bravo!

To please follow her advice.

Mlcers need to engage us in fights so they can twist those arguments in their favor to justify their actions/behavior. Don't give him that! Detach! Mine was a master at it (I was walking on egg shells, one day he even started a fight about stains on the kitchen floor...), once I understood the dynamic I stopped, at first he tried even harder then it slowed down. It's removing us as the cause of their unhappiness, it forces them to look elsewhere. Also fights justify them why they had to leave home, otherwise how can you explain to others that you are abandoning your wife and kids for OW... it doesn't look good, they hate to be judged, they care about their image a lot.

It's a process, so be very patient, it takes weeks/months. MLC is a marathon not a sprint, LBS are making the mistake of thinking that the situation can be fixed quickly, pushing too much and being impatient.

Focus on yourself and the kids (detach, please read the thread), because your life shouldn't stop because he is not part of it anymore. Don't expect him to be the dad (even if he expresses missing the kids) you want him to be now (tough to accept but that's reality), he is in full limerence, he cares only about his own life and needs, it doesn't mean his behavior will stay like that forever, limerence fades after a few months, just avoid any nasty words/conversations so in case he wants to come back, things are repairable. My H was very distant with the kids during his full replay (limerence), he was obsessed with OW (addiction), but now he changed drastically. Situations are always evolving so live in the present because what is today can be very different in a few weeks/months.

Pull away from him, stop pursuing him or engage in any R talks, it won't work, it will have the opposite effect. Our instinct is to pursue, but in that case ,it is counterproductive. I

He already planned of moving out since some times now it's obvious, he is just looking for justification to explain to others he couldn't "bear" this situation anymore (poor him...)

Communicate with him in regard of the kids only through emails or messages, so you can keep track of what he said/what he does.

Good job in telling him that you know he is lying, Mlcers like to be in control of their manipulation, they will lie just to be able to go through what they want to achieve without being interrupted of stopped, that's why don't believe any of what he said. Mine kept lying about not seeing the OW, WH have something in common they deny, deny... until I showed him some pictures.

You are NOT the reason he is behaving that way, he needs to figure out why by himself.
Your worth is not related to him.