I get down about how disloyal people are to each other too. It often feels like the people that are honest and faithful tend to get screwed in life.
I totally get yoir annoyance with sil. My ex MIL was kind of oblivious to those sorts of boundaries..she showed up one year with a Minnie mouse costume when my son was Mickey mouse and I was so annoyed.
Looking back, I wish i had politely talked to her about my annoyance. I think it would have been
1. Fun to make things akward for her when she was being overbearing. Women are often not used to that type of direct confrontation and it would have been better.
2. It would have prevented her from continuing to do stuff like rhat. It would establish that she needs to consult with me.
I think you're ex was probably oblivious to the bra issue. And you can't count on them to know or to really care enough to actially say something.
