Again I thank you for your input but we need to be aware that in the UK WE HAVE TO support the WW if we have children with them WE HAVE NO CHOICE!
"Emotionally support" is part of a process of showing her that I am her best option if her A does come to a conclusion, I'm not saying I go to her and beg, plead or any of that in fact I don't go to her at all. When she initiates a conversation I just stay friendly and basically listen to her in a way I hope she recognises from our days when we were just starting out! Please remember I truly feel people wont give up something to go to something worse.
The whole issue of me validating her when she mentioned that she was doing all the work around the FH was to a degree to outline that this AP/LO is not much of a help to her! Not the kind of person to rely on BUT this is maybe what she likes about him (as sandi2 says not a nice guy) who knows...
"It is here I made the mistake when I said "I thought you were moving anyway", the response was for her to go into asking about the future and how she needed to know the best course of action for her to consolidate all of our debt! I know this is a subject I need to stay away from as the big D word rears it's head." I prefer to stay away from this subject totally and rightly or wrongly try to resolve the problems that I'm facing. But of course I'm not in any control of this I won't file but if and when she does I will then obviously do what's necessary to bring this to a conclusion but as of now I continue to fight for my M.
"This is what I've been trying to tell you all along, all these "strategies" to get her back are just setting yourself up for failure. You're 100% focused on W when you should be focused on YOU. Work on yourself and quit trying so hard to be her best friend. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy", I think it'll really hit home for you. It's not what the title sounds like, it's more of a look into the "nice guy syndrome" and how most "nice guys" are really quite controlling and manipulative. It was a real eye-opener for me." I have read and re-read Sandi2 posts and understand what she say's but I feel what she is saying has nothing to do with being "manipulative and controlling" nice guys don't do this, I see it more about the lack of respect the WW has due to the BH being there to allow her to wipe her feet on him. Sorry all I've been telling you all along I'm DR'ing as best I can!
1. Moved out of the FH - "You're not making yourself attractive to her. Attractive is strong, confident, independent." how more stronger can I be than to leave my boys at the FH with her? Took great strength, independent..! Not sure you can comment on how confident I am but believe me I have no issues here, how do my posts come across? 2. Detached - Smart contact (SC) no texts, emails or phone calls AT ALL EVER sorry to shout but. 3. GAL - last night Thursday being a perfect example of many since BD and getting better. 4. No pursuing - I never initiate anything at all, I'm there if she wants to talk to me but is all very business like and over in minutes. 5. Cheerleading/Validating - this is only used AFTER she starts the conversation and then only if I feel the R benefits from me doing it.
I continue to work on me FOR ME, I work on my P.I.E.S and be the best me I can. The problem is I L my WW and want to be M to her! But I won't accept what she's doing EVER and if that means the end result is D then so be it.
look I appreciate your concerns for my situation and I truly feel you are wanting to point me in the right direction and I thank you, each day little by little the whole outlook of my situation is changing and I feel the continued journaling as the months go by will highlight this fact. My methods probably will lead me to a very long road that more than likely won't bare the result I want but it's the choice I take. I am listening and trying to implement elements from all of your advice, again I feel as time goes by I will care less about how this ends up because I'll be too busy GAL to notice.
Thank you again and please stay with me.
Mark.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/22/1710:03 PM. Reason: Link
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
