WH came back. Piecing. Past the 2 year mark ...

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=BluWave]25,

When you share your story of H abandoning you in your most vulnerable time, it pains me. Ultimately the reason we even get M is to have a partner we can depend on when life gets rough.

though I want to be able to be cordial someday, this^^ might just be unforgivable. For sure it means i cannot be m to him b/c what if I got sick in 10 years? H did not have my back, which I should have known earlier, but he did not. I can see from the credit cards he was in Alaska the day I was sick, and I can't even explore that painful disloyalty further...

And I can say with absolutely certainty, hand to God, that if h were to have had a stroke or if h were to get very sick, I would have wiped his rear end until the day one of us left the earth.

I'm flawed but I'm damn loyal. At some point in our m, h was no longer the same way. I like to think he once was.

It sounds as if he has not been available to his kids in their times of need either.

^^this is true.

When I'd tell the kids that h was "flawed but loved them & just confused now/MLC" and that he was "hardworking and smart", etc,

my T asked me who I was trying to convince, the kids or myself or both. I could not believe the man I married had changed so much. So the answer is, both.
-

This very ^^^ insight came to me last week after a brutal night of nightmares. My T was very helpful.

((Sometimes the metaphors in my dreams, are so obvious I almost laugh at myself - - in the dream I was in a house that belonged to us -in my dream,- and the carpet was replaced with a sheet of the same color. YES, just Like the rug was yanked out from under me!..."really, subconscious, you couldn't be a little less obvious??"

In the dream, I found a cell phone between OW and h talking about their future dream home...And I met the OW and she was a hillbilly who muttered like a moron, but she was holding a really small baby to her face so I couldn't slap her.

Best part - I was screaming like a low class banshee out of control scorned woman, & in my dream - the neighbors came over & said "oh we thought you knew...we all knew." NO METAPHORS THERE... ))

But I'm starting to see reality and maybe I dodged a bullet.

Okay don't mean to hijack too much


And he is simultaneously boasting about OW as the "love of his life?" It's unbelievable, unnerving. How can you not wonder if taking him back 10 years ago was the right move? You can't tho, because that is passed. As you say, you did right by your family and there is more honor in that than walking away.


I do wonder.

The "upside" to his FB posts about OW and "introducing his Honey" and the "love of his life" (and trust me, I am scraping the barrel for the "upside") is that his comments are so over the top, so Not necessary, that they reek of craziness And or cruelty. And a strong need to validate his choices.

I mean, who does that?? And he's 60...wtf? If I meet a great guy and fall in love and commit to him, there will be NO Posts about it for a long time and then it'll be a freaking normal post. Nothing to prove.

But to your question, about if I wonder - yes ^^^this is one huge struggle I have, i.e. [u]that I made a mistake 10 years ago [/u]and that my choice to stay was only partly b/c I thought it was best for my kids. (Though I did very much believe that. I asked d's what their fears were and they each said "don't want to move again" and I did my best to avoid that. Which I did, for 10 years.

But I can see that I was also afraid to leave, & that I wanted to hold onto the future I believed would make all the sacrifices, worth it. We'd Finally win the jackpot from the poker game in which I only won every 7th or 8th hand, or just enough to keep me from folding and walking away from the table. Because I thought if I folded & walked away, everything I ever put into the m would be lost.

As opposed to cutting my losses.

This^^ haunts me.