Newbie in limbo after wife's infidelity

[Forbet]

And you need to respect her feelings, because right now all your efforts are telling her "he just wants me back, as usual he is all about what HE wants and not what I want." Give her time and space.

Space is what she has asked for and I'm happy to give it to her. She has been noticeably better since I have pulled back lately.

Yeah she just sees that as you forcing your agenda on her. Remove all pressure.

I think we have had a lot of pressure on ourselves. She has definitely been feeling it as she has told me. I think last nights events have helped relieve a lot of the pressure.

Because she was trying to get your attention for months or even years. You probably saw it as complaining and nagging and shut down on her. So she quit trying, and you thought things had gotten better because she wasn't nagging anymore. So then BD happens, and you're shocked. It seems to have come out of nowhere. But for her it's been going on for a long, long time.

Correct. When I told her that she is normal/happy through the day she told me that she has felt nothing or felt numb for so long that its almost easy for her to go like that, as it has been normal for her for quite a while.

Not anytime soon, but eventually she might. This takes time.

I'm happy to give this time as long as she genuinely wants to fix the MR.

Yeah that's the alpha versus beta thing I mentioned above. You're a great housekeeper, father, etc. And that is FANTASTIC. But that's not what's going to make her attracted to you.

I feel like I can focus on myself better now after our talk last night. This is what I plan to really work on from here.

That would be a very alpha thing to do, and surprisingly a move like that can snap the WAS out of their dream and make them realize the LBS is more important to them than they thought. But here's the thing, you can't do it as a strategy because she may very well agree. If you do it, make sure you do it because that's what you want.

She mentioned last night that maybe she needs some time apart, not in the same house, and that may shake her up and snap her out of it. I'm prepared to do this but not before we seek some professional help. If I do decide to do something like that it will be because I'm moving forward with my life, with or without her. Part of a LRT kind of thing I guess.

But no intimacy, so I would say things are not at all normal, correct?

Normal for her as she has been feeling this way for a while, just I wasn't aware.

Thanks, your replies have been very helpful