Cadet asked you to start a new thread, so you might want to do that before replying to any of us...
Originally Posted By: parkema
the conversation moved then to her having to do everything around the FH, if you remember the AP/LO has basically moved in and I cheer leaded her in saying "well done in keeping the house in order".
NO!!!!!! Do not validate her on anything to do with her affair!! Even if it's just housekeeping.
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It is here I made the mistake when I said "I thought you were moving anyway", the response was for her to go into asking about the future and how she needed to know the best course of action for her to consolidate all of our debt! I know this is a subject I need to stay away from as the big D word rears it's head.
Well, you're not supposed to initiate any of those types of convos, but if she does then you should reply. If she's hellbent on D then you can't stop it. All you can do is remove all pressure, but sometimes the WAS pushes forward with the D anyway.
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I tried my hardest to remain CN and felt I did a good job of saying that I was not adverse in bringing the M to a conclusion BUT needed to get better advice from a professional, I feel they are planning on getting me out of the FH without anything from my 12 years of contributions - THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
You're right, you need to lawyer up. You can keep on DBing, but you need to protect your interests too. You don't need to tell her you have a L or are talking to one, but you should definitely consult one so that you are prepared.
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As she left I mentioned that I will continue to support her financially and emotionally and that I will do nothing detrimental to her
You are enabling her affair. She forced you out of the home and shacked up in it with OM, and yet you're telling her you're there to support her financially and emotionally? I'm not sure we're getting through to you. You're trying so hard to placate her hoping it makes you look like the better option once her limerence wears off, but she's just as likely to see you as this easy pushover that she can use as she pleases. You're not making yourself attractive to her. Attractive is strong, confident, independent.
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I feel demoralised after all of the hard work in showing her a friendly safe place to come to
This is what I've been trying to tell you all along, all these "strategies" to get her back are just setting yourself up for failure. You're 100% focused on W when you should be focused on YOU. Work on yourself and quit trying so hard to be her best friend. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy", I think it'll really hit home for you. It's not what the title sounds like, it's more of a look into the "nice guy syndrome" and how most "nice guys" are really quite controlling and manipulative. It was a real eye-opener for me.
