Went out with H and the boys. Not for me or for H but for my oldest. He wouldn't go unless I went.
It was pretty hard for me afterwards. In the moment I was okay but when I came home I found myself extremely sad that H could not want this anymore. That he saw me so terribly or hated me so much that he is okay with these things not being in his future.
He stayed the night last night. I didn't act on any of these feelings. The baby was more irritable than normal for his 1am witching hour. H just sat on the couch while I was in the room. I didn't bring him to him last night and he didn't come in. I did go out there and ask him to wake me up in 30 minutes if I fell asleep because I was holding the baby.
H got prequalified for his mortgage. So scary that he continues to tell me he doe t have the money to do anything. I don't understand the lying like he's just taking space but in reality he's planning his whole new life.
I'm off to school today. I want to feel better. How do people let go? How do you stop looking at someone and feeling all the feelings you have felt for them the last 13 years. How do you stop looking at them and just wanting to scream can't we figure this out? Look at our beautiful family.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/22/1701:25 AM. Reason: fix link
