Here again part 7

[Train]

I know I'm the lone wolf on this, at least in this thread (gah, I miss Starsky! Lol!), but it's no secret how I feel:

It *does* matter if there's an OW. Why? Because if y'all just drifted apart, then I would agree that all the validating, etc. is a smart move. But when he's attracted to another woman, you being a validating doormat is *not the answer*. It will drive him further from you. He loses even more respect for you.

As Wonka once told me (one of the most compelling pieces of advice I received): YOU have to be the OW to the OW. No woman attracts a wayward man by kissing his a$s and validating him while he's walking out the door ... turning his back on his own children ... to be validated by another woman. That is NOT attractive.

What is missing is his respect of and for you. And you sure as heck aren't earning it back when you're swinging from being controlling and nagging to being sweet and validating.

There's a way to strike a balance between creating and enforcing strong, healthy boundaries to protect yourself and your children and also being neighborly friendly to your H. My strong advice is to find that balance - and soon. And stay consistent with it.

I'm bowing out because there doesn't seem to be much more I can contribute for now. I do wish you the very best, T0, and will continue following. I wish I could snap my fingers and you wouldn't give two rats' a$ses about whether your H is coming or going. You genuinely deserve that peace. Probably more than anyone on these boards.

P.S. I know you're getting stronger every day, even though you don't feel that way at all.

And one more thing: your H doesn't deserve you.

BIG hugs and fist bumps!