Forget everyone else. It is what you want that matters. You may not even be able to fully decide that now, which is why you have to de-escalate the situation. If you have been, wonderful. Keep it up. And stop talking to the "everyone" who wants you to kick him to the curb. Find one or two trusted people who at least respect your right to make this choice for yourself.
Maybe he buys a house, maybe he doesn't. Who cares. Houses can be sold.
Maybe he has an OW, maybe he doesn't. Who cares. I know you think this is the end all and be all, but it isn't. I already see you wavering on this, so just let it go. You aren't going to stop it if it is happening. Let it run its course. Stop tracking him.
These things are symptoms of what he is going through. He's a very messed up guy. He needs space and distance. Give it to him. Give it to you.
Mine vanished from the kids for 3 months in the throes of his "love" for OW1. I could have been cold and hateful and made sure he couldn't come back around, but I believe that the kids are better off having him in their lives. I would rather that they saw his flaws and came to understand that he may not be the dad they wanted, rather than have him be some mythical figure who is unknown to them and one they may assume I chased away and blame me and then have no parent they feel is there for them. He is now coming around very regularly to see them. Apparently he is coming today to take D driving. Will it last? I have no idea. I will not see him or talk to him while he is here.
I know he's told you he isn't staying for the kids, but I have to think that because the kids are so young and he is going to miss so much of their lives, that has to have an impact on him. Let him come to them, love them, spend time with them, and hurt every time he leaves them and does something rotten like see a concert or hang out with some other woman rather than spend time with them.
