What should I be doing now (Time to Move on?)

[Coconut]

Regarding limerence, I'm going to share a few stories I am very familiar with showing vastly different outcomes.

1. I just shared this one in the above post but my brother's W had an affair and left him. He didn't pursue, he was a good DB'er but came about it naturally. 8 years later he's still single and she's still living with OM.

2. A neighbor of mine's W left him suddenly and unexpectedly. She too had an affair although I've never been sure whether it was a PA or EA. She went out and got a tattoo that said "finally I'm free" in Latin with a butterfly, LOL! She was one of my W's enablers when W left me. 6 months later she was right back with her H and they've been together ever since (about 5 years since that happened).

3. My W had an EA that after our separation turned PA. Their limerence ran it's course in about a year and they quit dating although they still remain casual friends. She has never attempted a reconciliation, she's content to live alone and date now and then.

4. My W's best friend left her H around the same time W left me. She wasn't in an A at the time, she was just fed up with him. She did the typical WAS stuff- new clothes, lost a lot of weight, improved her hair and makeup. After they separated she started dating. She settled on a particular guy and 5 years later is still with him and is now divorced. She never tried to reconcile with her XH.

5. My mom left my dad when I was a young teen, she had gone back to work to help out the family and got caught up in new relationships and possibilities. She had an A, and eventually left. I'm not sure how much time went by, I think it was about 6 months but the A fizzled and she tried briefly to get back with my dad, but she decided she couldn't do it and started another R, then another, then another. The last one stuck and she's been with him ever since, about 40 years now.

Which of these patterns will your W follow? YOU DON'T KNOW, that's the whole point. She could be exactly like any one of these scenarios, or maybe something different than all of these. It's impossible to say.

Copied this post from AnotherStander on another thread.

For no other reason than to say that as I read through these, I realized that I would not be able to add my own sitch to his list. I simply have no idea what the WW did after I was done with the M.

I really don't have any idea what happened with WW and AP, I don't know if WW has dated anyone else (would it still be considered an A since we're mutually agreed separation?). Heck, I don't even know if she lives with anyone else (I've never asked my son and he has never said). Until I read AnotherStanders post, I never really gave it any thought.

I don't think we have had a relationship talk since late July 2016 (when I found out she was still texting/talking to OM) and I enforced my boundary. Most texts since then have only been about selling house, son and taxes. Except for about a 1 month period of disappointment in my life, when I would lay into her by texting the meanest, cruelest things I could think of to say (Thanksgiving, my sons / wifes /& my b-day and xmas are all within 1 month of each other and I was crushed during that timeframe).

My mom saw that hate in me and stepped in to help me move past it, "Your only allowing her to control you by harboring so much hate" she said.. I immediately stopped texting, I think that was in mid Jan. Only texts since then were 1 or 2 texts at a time, maybe once a month, and only about son and taxes.