I just wanted to challenge you to focus more on your process and less on her (limerance) process, as that will not serve you. As you know the timeline can be long and it does not guarantee she will want to come back to the M anyhow.
Park, I think that's a very succinct summary from Blu of what we're trying to say to you. We're not saying you're doing anything wrong, it actually sounds like you're doing great on the DBing! We're just trying to warn you that if you're trying to "outlast limerence" expecting your W to come running back after a timeclock expires then you are likely setting yourself up for disappointment.
Originally Posted By: BluWave
I mean the emotional side of letting go of expectations, not feeling as if you are waiting for her, and really starting to plan a better life without her. This is not a challenge to conquer (getting your W back), but a time to learn about yourself and that goal of living a better life (that may or may not include her).
Yes exactly, well said again! Some people are natural DBers, when their WAS leaves they don't do the pursuit behavior that a lot of us do. That's my brother, when his wife of about 10 years suddenly went WAS and had an affair, he never chased her. He basically just opened the door and let her walk out. It's been about 8 years since she left, and his XW is still with OM. She never did reach out to reconcile with him. He's never dated again since she left. He's not waiting for her or anything, he just focused on being a father and dove into his work and has never tried to date again. The point being, when limerence wears off it is absolutely no guarantee that the WAS will return. Maybe they will, it happens. But maybe they won't. We have to be prepared for any outcome. How do we do that? Focus on ourselves and our kids. Become independent, strong, happy, healed. It takes a lot of time and a lot of effort. But we can emerge more content with our lives than ever before. I know that seems impossible in the grips of being an LBS, but that's the beauty of these forums is they are not filled with armchair psychiatrists, they are filled with people who have walked a mile in the LBS's shoes and not only survived, but thrived whether their M was saved or not.
