I'm a very lucky person, but still fine tuning

[woundedfool]

So happy to see you I was wondering if you were still around.

The rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated

I'm back here again unfortunately

I caught up on a lot of your threads. I am sorry to see your need for DB again. I wish you the best in your journey. I'll keep poking my head in on you.

I hope life is treating you well!

Doing well, thank you!

[cadence]

I'm a relative newbie, but even I appreciate people checking back in. It helps us know things will be okay and one day we might just get what we are hoping for. And maybe by that time we won't know what to do with it!

WF, I think this is definite temperature checking. She sent them to you on holidays that she thought would help her case by making you nostalgic.

We don't know what she's thinking, but I think this is definite testing of the waters given that she was clearly trying to play upon your holiday-related emotions. You did great with your friendly replies that kept a boundary up. Now she knows that you are most likely receptive, but she has to dig up the courage to be a little more forthcoming about her intentions.

I think you should spend some time thinking about what you want because I think she's going to try to ask to R. Be ready, but of course you wouldn't know anything until you heard information from her about her intentions and how you might find trust in her again. You want to be warm and open but you do not want to let her back in easily. She would value you and any new relationship less if you enabled her such that she didn't have to take risks. Make her find her courage and work, while you remain stable, warm, and somewhat mysterious. (This is not to hurt her, but to force her out of her comfort zone to set up any R up for success.)

[woundedfool]

She realizes what a gem you were and is fishing right now seeing if there's a chance. Is there?

Simply put: I don't know if there is a chance on my end. I have learned to not close any doors on anything., but to repeat: if directly asked... I just don't know.

WF, thanks so much for posting. I'm 9 months post b d and am intrigued by how you will respond or not.

I see I actually didn't put it in the original post. But I did give a very general (friendly neighbor like) acknowledgement of the message from fathers day.

[woundedfool]

but I think this is definite testing of the waters given that she was clearly trying to play upon your holiday-related emotions.

Never crossed my mind about that part of the timing. You are exactly right.

She would value you and any new relationship less if you enabled her such that she didn't have to take risks. Make her find her courage and work.......(This is not to hurt her, but to force her out of her comfort zone to set up any R up for success.)

I really like this thought! (this is the kind of perspective/brainstorming I was hoping to get)

[AnotherStander]

WF, yesterday my XW came by to pick up S and sat down for a while to tell me about her vacation and some stuff going on at work. Reading your updates got me to thinking about what recon with her would look like, and I honestly just can't picture it. I was just sitting there looking at her and listening to her and thinking, was I really married to her? It seems so long ago, and like someone else's life rather than mine. At this point it wouldn't even really be reconciling, it would be starting over again from ground zero. And would I want to? She's a sweet person, but I don't even feel the slightest pang of attraction anymore. If I gave it any effort it would simply be because of our history together and because of the kids, but at their ages I'm not sure that would have any benefit for them anymore. We've all healed and moved on I think. I'm just curious if your thoughts are along those lines as well, or are you giving thought to possible recon?

[woundedfool]

I'm just curious if your thoughts are along those lines as well, or are you giving thought to possible recon?

Actually by design: no thoughts either way. I started overthinking it on Sunday (is she looking to come back, would I have her back, what would I say, what would she say? what would people say? would I actually get remarried? what, I thought I didn't want to marry again.... info overload... ERROR, ERROR! ), hence... what led me to post about it here.

[Cristy]

Hello woundedfool,

Thanks for your update!

Is it possible she could be temperature checking you to see if you are still an option?

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004