You are probably right to a degree that I am hiding my emotions and this may have contributed to my present predicament! Obviously I hurt a great deal but don't allow myself to let her see me in pain and instead allow her to see me GAL, as well has that I can't let my boys see me a quivering mess either.
Behind closed doors is another issue with lots of tears (there I said it!) The really hard times are when she is in contact with the boys and nothing but laughter is heard, she's having the time of her life and I'm sure you're going to say well she is due to you allowing her to. It's so sad that those that have remained committed to their M are the ones that hurt the most those and the innocent's.
As this situation evolves I feel I am hardening to her to a point where hatred is beginning to rear it's head! Progression is slow and I need to learn patients is needed if the right outcome is to be won, again I L my wife and want my M to be better than before. I am trying to work on me and me alone and all of my posts have tried to demonstrate that I work on things that make me a better person (P.I.E.S) but this whole situation is due to my WW having an A and I truly believe people don't leave something for something worse, I need to better myself as much as I can but again need you guys to keep me honest and working towards a successful outcome.
I feel I took her for granted too much and being English we aren't that emotional either this could have been construed as cold possibly BUT did all this force her to cross the line and into an A..? Well she had/has her issues also but I would have never done that.
As the days go by I'm beginning to get into a routine of being alone, I'm actually sleeping better eating well and continue to exercise daily, when I have my boys the happy meter goes up a notch and these are the best days. Then and I know it's strange but I realise that my WW will be round to either see or pick up the boys and I dread it slightly, wondering what she's going to say and how she's going to act BUT my strategies kick in.
1. Charging neutral. 2. Showing a carefree happy confident individual who's slightly aloof. 3. Being the friendly outgoing person when we're communicating. 4. That safe place for her to come to if she needs to discuss her everyday issues. 5. GAL - more and more I'm demonstrating a person who is getting on with his life (arranging who has the boys due to me GAL).
All the above is for me and the more and more this moves on I become more and more emotionally detached from her, I'm not sure if she see's it this way!
Am I working to a point where I don't care what she's doing with her/his time - yes! As long as my boys are happy and I'm slowly getting to a point where I can see me being happy with or without her then we'll be okay.
I will still continue to do my DR'ing as I really want her back and am sorry if you all feel my methods aren't quite as effective as they can be, I'll continue to monitor the progression and continue to make myself happy whilst their lives hit the fan and they work through the phases of their limerent relationship.
Thanks again and good luck.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
