I'm a very lucky person, but still fine tuning

[woundedfool]

Your threads are now merged together and the link for the last one is in the first post on this thread

Thanks Cadet! Good to see you still run a tight ship here!

[Coconut]

Now, all that being said... While I am not holding a candle in the window for her. But.... I would still meet at a table to find if there would be a way for us to find each other again.

Then yesterday (fathers day) I get a detailed email from her that felt about as contrite as I have ever heard her. Telling me how it was all her fault, how she wished she had tried, how every decision she has made since her walking away was wrong. The gist of the letter was asking for forgiveness, which I did forgive her quite some time ago.

6 posts apart, 3 years apart, and I have to say I'm intrigued.

I posted for a long time that I would never consider getting back with my WW, that if she ever approached me I wouldn't consider it.

Then my most recent posts as that I was like 99% sure, cause you never know until the opportunity presents.

I think I initially convinced myself that there was "no way I would even consider it" to protect myself and make me feel like I was in control. But distance and time, and a lot of self reflection on my failures in the M, has softened that stance a bit.

What we say we would do, in a hypothetical, is based on emotion and changes based on where we are in life at that particular moment, but what you said you would do really has no bearing on what you do when it actually happens.

It's often said that many people succeed in getting their WS to stop the craziness and come back, only to have the LBS walk away. I don't know what your relationship with her has been over the last few years, I see you have a D so I'm sure there has been some interaction, but I hope you continue to share your thoughts and actions on this. I think this happens to more people that you would think, and in my year here I've never seen it posted.

btw - I realize she didn't say that she would like to try again, but I definitely think the intention was to open a conversation.

[AnotherStander]

WF!!!!!!! How are you old friend? I just got back on here recently myself, good to see you!

I don't frequent or contribute to the forum as much as I used to. But I've been divorced since late 2013. I fully immersed myself into DB and MWD's way of thinking. It was amazing how many things she advocates are 100% on the money! The things I learned I still use in most all aspects of my life, and they have served me very well.

Well said! I recently posted in another thread that I used DB principals with my GF, my XW, my kids and even coworkers. There's may aspects of DB'ing that have universal application.

About 2 months back, out of the clear blue on our former wedding anniversary I received a text from ex wife, citing our marriage vows and telling me how sorry she was for failing at our marriage.

I responded with a polite: Thank you, wish you the best etc.

Great response!

Then yesterday (fathers day) I get a detailed email from her that felt about as contrite as I have ever heard her. Telling me how it was all her fault, how she wished she had tried, how every decision she has made since her walking away was wrong. The gist of the letter was asking for forgiveness, which I did forgive her quite some time ago.

Interesting. Well she has certainly had ample time to do her soul-searching and find herself, and it sounds like she may have and is finally owning her part in it. Good on you for forgiving her. Hard to say if this is also a temperature check on her part to see if you're still interested, but it -might- be. What are your thoughts on that, if she is indeed showing interest?

[woundedfool]

6 posts apart, 3 years apart, and I have to say I'm intrigued.

Technically you can credit Cadet for that, he was kind enough to just merge some old threads of mine together. Serves me right for not participating more.

What we say we would do, in a hypothetical, is based on emotion and changes based on where we are in life at that particular moment, but what you said you would do really has no bearing on what you do when it actually happens.

Yes, amazing how the hypothetical changes once reality sets in. I think you see that on those silly lottery shows... picking people apart because they win obscene amounts of money, and then discuss how you think they are crazy for spending high six figures $$$ on a car. But if the shoe is on the other foot...... color me driving a Tesla.

I don't know what your relationship with her has been over the last few years,

Just to give color: straight from DB... I have treated her like a friendly neighbor.

I see you have a D

Sorry to nit pick... but its an S And to toot my own horn, I think we do a good job co-parenting.

btw - I realize she didn't say that she would like to try again, but I definitely think the intention was to open a conversation.

I think that is a fair assessment.

[woundedfool]

WF!!!!!!! How are you old friend? I just got back on here recently myself, good to see you!

Good to see you too! I'll work on catching up on your threads.

Well said! I recently posted in another thread that I used DB principals with my GF, my XW, my kids and even coworkers. There's may aspects of DB'ing that have universal application.

So very true.

Hard to say if this is also a temperature check on her part to see if you're still interested, but it -might- be. What are your thoughts on that, if she is indeed showing interest?

I guess that is why I put it out here for input. I thought I would have had more of a reaction. So far its just kind of indifference (almost "as if")...I'm just kind of numb to the words so far.

[JujuB]

Thank you for coming back on and posting. 4 years later and some validation! I think that's what a lot of us wish for. The recognition of the unfairness, pain, and suffering we endured at their hands. I imagine, even after you are healed, that validation feels good. We all want answers.

Hope you keep posting.

[T384]

Wounded!!!!

So happy to see you I was wondering if you were still around.

I'm back here again unfortunately but still want you to know how much I appreciated all your help and patience with me.

I hope life is treating you well!

[AnotherStander]

Good to see you too! I'll work on catching up on your threads.

I posted a brief update here, that I just now discovered Job merged with my older threads:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2747663&#Post2747663

I guess that is why I put it out here for input. I thought I would have had more of a reaction. So far its just kind of indifference (almost "as if")...I'm just kind of numb to the words so far.

Coming back here has got me to thinking about that as well. What would I do if XW said she wants to reconcile? I TOTALLY understand your reaction of "indifference". I think I would be the same. The whole idea of it just seems so foreign at this point, you know? That said, I have a buddy whose wife (technically they were never married but lived together for 5+ years) went off-reservation like so many of ours do. He went from being the greatest guy in the world to scum of the earth. She left, they sold their farm and split the proceeds and that was it. For 2 years. Then she wanted to go out to dinner with him. Then again. And again. Then it turned from dinner to more. Now they're back together. What did he do to get her back? Nothing. IE- gave her time and space. I have another friend who just remarried his XW (WAS). They were apart 8 YEARS. Anyway I guess my point is WAS's do sometimes have an awakening and want to reconcile, but it's usually so far after the LBS has healed and moved on that it's a difficult decision for the LBS to decide what to do. If you want to check her interest level then ask her out to dinner. See where it goes. Good luck with whatever you decide buddy!

[TxHubby]

Whenever anyone cheats on, and leaves, a good spouse, they almost always reach back out at some point after their life has spiraled down and hit rock bottom. You were the best thing that ever happened to her. She's looking for you to rescue her from her crappy post-D life. I've seen a lot of people who do. Some live happily ever after, some end up repeating the same thing that happened to them in the past.

That is what she's looking for. Her OM was a POS and has probably abused her, stole from her, and pretty much destroyed her. All her fault. She realizes what a gem you were and is fishing right now seeing if there's a chance. Is there?

[Gordie]

WF, thanks so much for posting. I'm 9 months post b d and am intrigued by how you will respond or not.