My Wife wanted to live with her parents

[athas]

But the wife said it would be permanent and they would be living with us forever. Screw that, I said.

Thank you for your responses.

I can understand your concern about that. Sometimes when we marry we marry into things we didn't want or anticipate. Sometimes we can live with them and other times they're a deal killer. In my case my in-laws who lived a thousand miles away suddenly moved about 50 miles away so they could spend more time with W and our kids. THAT for me was OK, but like you I would have had an issue with them moving under the same roof, even though I love them to pieces!

Initially I believed they would be like other families, but over the years it became apparent that they were too insular and close knit to the point there was no individuality in that tribe. Her plans were not only to get her parents in our home, but her grandmother as well, and anyone else that wanted to immigrate to America. No, not way!

Her family was important to her such that she said that they ranked higher. I was "at fourth" in her list of priorities. She was threatened saying that if I didn't leave, that she would. In the end she said she would take legal action to have me removed. I had enough. My self-respect prompted me to leave. Hardest decision.

It sounds like this situation was a deal-killer for you. I don't see anything in your posts about you really loving your W or wanting her back? I'm a little confused on what your goals are? Clearly you miss your D and want more time with her, but what about W? Sounds like you have a lot of resentment over her ranking you below her family, I totally get that. But you not only left her, but you left the country so I guess I'm just wondering what your goal is in coming here for help? I'm just asking so we can better tailor our suggestions.

I loved her enough to chase her around the globe and then dismantle and end my career in Australia to follow her to America. But she just kept on with the demands. I loved her till the last day. And I still love her today. Yes, I left the country because America is not my country and I have no rights there. She was threatening me with police if she didn't get her own way, and in the end she threatened legal action. The rage coming from her was immense, the belittling, ranking me low in the hierarchy, saying that she was eager to become a single mother (which stumped me). Anyway, I didn't want to see what happens when the American cops come knocking on your door and your wife is crying about how scared she is. I had to return to the safety of my own country. Honestly, Australia is a better place.

My goals:
A restoration of my family.
My wife to realise we are better off as a two-parent household.
My daughter to live a stable life.

If I had submitted to her yoke and stayed, my balls would have been truly cut off, and any respect from her will probably be gone as I was reduced to a servant for her family.

My W wanted her mom to live with us for a while when our first kid was born. I was like "oh noooooooo" but she was retired and I was working and I certainly understood my W's need for some more help while I was at work. I had a lot of concerns about her being there all the time but it turns out my fears were completely unfounded. She was an absolute Godsend, she helped with our D, she watched her while W slept, she cooked us meals, and she completely honored our time together when I was home from work. She would sit in the corner and knit and give us all the together time we wanted. A lot of times what we fear is the unknown, but the reality of it usually isn't nearly as terrible as we imagine.

These are third world people. They care for nothing but 'getting to America', and using my finances was okay in chasing that ambition. America's halcyon days were in the 70s and 80s ... not now. I believe they put zero thought into how expensive it is, and they were actually better off living with their much bigger family in their nation of origin.

My wife had zero honesty/transparency in terms of finances. I discovered that she was paying for her parents' health insurance when they lived down the street at the brother's place, but she was telling me that her salary was not covering our living expenses. I kept telling her that America was not for us and we need to return to Australia where we were better off.

My daughter will eventually grow up and learn that her mother is a dictator and there'll be another conflict between them as she discovers that her father was shafted from the home and her own family destroyed.

I sure do hear a lot of anger and resentment towards W in your words, is that what you're feeling? Again if you could just state what your goals are that would help.

Anger and resentment. Absolutely. That restrained anger and resentment I feel will pale in comparison to that felt by my daughter when she grows up to realise her mother shafted her own father from the home, thus reducing them to poverty and a fatherless household. The rebellion will be strong when she hits her teens. Again, my goal is to prevent this outcome, give her a decent life, with the father that she deserves.

I didn't realise that I had to get all soppy on this forum and communicate my love for my wife. I do love her. I don't accept her choices and the single-minded and misguided goals that she has. I know expressing my anger to her didn't work and won't work. Our bare-bones communication is very limited and centres around our daughter and organising Skype calls that occur every second or third day. My daughter is too young to make the call so my wife facilitates. I call them 'our family time'. So, my goal is how to get my wife to turn around to realise a life with me is better than being the lone support for her family that are really dragging her down like an anchor.