Yes! I am right there with you! When I read your posts, I find myself feeling the exact same way. I can imagine the feelings of love/pride you felt for your wife and then just moments later the reality of the sitch (the A) smack you upside the head. It's like snatching candy from a baby. And there is the part deep down that feels this love/connection that has always been there ... but then we remember that is gone. So if that is gone, then what is this?
I will never trust another person either. So recently we were with a big group of friends and I had this moment. Like I said OW was a so called friend for many years. She had this very flirty/floozy way about her; I didn't understand the EA for a long time because she was like this with all men. I call it "hiding in plain site." I have another friend who is also flirty by nature. The difference is that this woman has a moral compass and I trust her as a friend. When we were all hanging out (and I have seen this before), her and my H were giggling about something. Totally innocent. However the affect on me is different. He could not be any less attractive to me in those moments! Repulsive.
I think you should give Retrouvaille a shot. We were in the best place we have been in doing that program. Perhaps we will get back to it. Not sure today tho. ... You know as well as I do tho that so much changes that we have to keep being openminded to what will come next ...
Keep posting :-) I need you. Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
