I am glad you felt strong and confident in your position. See how you can flip the dynamic when you are strong? I guess it would make sense to say "hope for the best, but plan for the worst." I tend not to feel that way. I would say "assume the worst, plan for the worst, but know there is so much hope without this M in general." I also don't agree that when you guys see each other things will become more clear. Sadly, I think it's clear now. He is checked out and there very well may be another person (even tho he may deny it). I want you to try and think about what you really need and want in a life partner and if he has been that person in the last 6 months. All emotions aside, what is your bottom line?
I say all of this because in your heart/gut you know and have known that he is gone and just stringing you along. If he wanted this M to work, he would have already visited and he would be getting back to you on his own. Now that you are drawing a firm line and giving an ultimatum, he is moving. I still can't see how he is actually moving towards you. He doesn't seem to be showing care for your feelings, true remorse for what he has put you through, and any real commitment to making the M work.
He has been wishywashy and may continue to be that way. I am just concenred that you may have your hopes up and expectations, and that he then may come along and be the same as he has shown you the last 6 months. So if we are preparing you for the worst, let's assume he is coming to do the "honorable thing" and end the M in person. How will you respond if that happens? I would hate for him to catch you off gaurd, you react out of emotions, and then later regret that you were not prepared.
Even if he does the worst case scenario, it is never the final ending. People and feelings change all the time. Why not shock his system with your best DB techniques, GALs, 180s, and detachment? Even if you need to fake it a bit. How good would you feel to hold your head up high, listen, validiate, and simply agree to go your own ways. "I am sorry you feel that way. This is not the marriage that I signed up for either. Kindly send the rest of my belongings when you get home." Something that shows him you will be just fine without him. That will have him second guessing himself!
I hope I am not out of line. In my sitch, one of my dear friends always told me, "he's gone, it's over, he's never coming back." It hurt like H3LL! And she was the only one that said that to me. Looking back on it tho, it was very helpful in that it forced me to think about letting go and moving on. And while this wasn't her motive, ultimately it was my letting him go that brought him back.
Leah, this is a long, long road. People change and change their minds. You are and will be just fine right now without him. So keep living for you no matter if he comes and what he says/does. He may just show up and keep being wishywashy to keep stringing you along. If that is not the M you want, you can tell him to step aside and show him your life is going on. You get to teach people how to treat you. ... You got this. We are here for you!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
