The high road: rocky with a great view

[ciluzen]

Hey everyone! Thanks for reading along. The support and nice words are, as always, very much welcomed and appreciated.

Ownit, your comments about my writing make me feel all warm and fuzzy! Thank you. I never thought of it that way...I just lay it out there (with lots of typos!).
I don't speak of Bubbles because, after much work, I've finally realized that Job and everyone else who told me she doesn't matter, were right. XH heard all about my feelings about her early on and others, including our eldest D, let him know their feelings about her once I stopped. He NEVER mentions her to me. Thoughts of her are fleeting, still carry with them a tinge of anger, but now I realize she's drawing her own Karma and is a damaged person. Not my problem.
I don't think she was ever a romantic relationship for him...I think she was fun and always very social, always doing fun activities and bringing people in to our life (and his practice!). The opposite of me, who just followed him around to each activity that he attended. And when I started to feel like a third wheel, I stopped attending while he continued...voila! He chose fun party girl over me. She literally grew his clientelle, as well, with her social skills.
However, if she is another mother to him (which I doubt) that won't work...he rebelled against that in me and would with her, as well. They are sort of similar in many ways, but more like brother and sister.

As to the kids, he has always been closer to D26. He continues to talk more to her than any of us and has started realizing how much he needs help with the upkeep of the river house without me there, so he has been asking D26 and her husband to come help. Part of her anger that I've been sensing is that she is put in the position of having to be my replacement in some ways, when really she is working a crazy schedule and is trying to be a good wife to her own husband. The river is an hour and a half from his office and apartment. After work, he has no responsibilities on the wekend. She and her husband are also an hour and a half away from the river, but their schedules are crazy with a new business, and D26's two other jobs. She's had to learn to say no to her father to keep her sanity when he begs (her word) her to come up to the river.
D25 has always butt heads with him, and I can attest to how difficult she is to deal with now with her mental illness. He really just relies on me for info and periodically says hi to her. I think it gives him some comfort that she lives here. I know he feels helpless in dealing with her.
He told D26 she didn't have to do anything for Fathers Day for him...not sure if he said anything to D25, though I did remind her to call. So...he spent that alone, more than likely.

Your idea, Ownit, about learning my home and seeing how it feels is interesting. Time will tell. He's a complex guy with some major foo issues that I'm only now scratching the surface of. I realized this morning that for the first time ever (since our D), our conversations this weekend never once turned to his parents.

I'm glad my story gives hope, at least that people can be friends. I dont know if we're quite comfortable yet to say "friends". I have to say, we're still dancing around trying to forge a new relationship of some sort, not really trusting each other and communicating on the edge of our statements with nervous smiles and side glances (from him), and full facing eye contact and confident smiles from me. We'll see.