Had a call from one of my oldest friends about going away for the weekend in October what fantastic timing.
I've been reading a lot on the MLC forum and really think that is where I should be but I am still a newbie so should I stay here, could a moderator advise please?
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
Had a call from one of my oldest friends about going away for the weekend in October what fantastic timing.
I've been reading a lot on the MLC forum and really think that is where I should be but I am still a newbie so should I stay here, could a moderator advise please?
I think it's fine to post wherever you think is more appropriate, or even in both forums!
Hang in there, I know it's tough going places with H right now but it's important to do that for the kids. I'm 5 years post-BD and my XW and I still go to events for our kids together. We've always shown unity when it comes to the kids.
The fact that my S has got the award for outstanding behaviour last week when that was the week following BD I hope demonstrates that so far the kids aren't affected
H is text book MLC and everyone including his own Mum is telling me to kick him out but I'm frightened but I don't know what of?
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
The fact that my S has got the award for outstanding behaviour last week when that was the week following BD I hope demonstrates that so far the kids aren't affected
Well if outstanding behavior isnt out of character for him, then yes he seems to be doing fine right now. Congrats on the award. You have raised a good kid there. My D9 ripped all posters and drawings down from the walls of her classroom and sprayed water all over, so kids obviously react differently
M:46 WXW:40 T:20 M:13 D3,D8,D10 BD:11/12/16 D:12/14/16 OM confirmed 01/20/17
H is text book MLC and everyone including his own Mum is telling me to kick him out but I'm frightened but I don't know what of?
The first chapter of DB talks about how people will tell you to ditch your WAS, but what do YOU want? If that's not what YOU want then politely tell them what you do want and ask them to support you in that choice.
Originally Posted By: Btrow
My D9 ripped all posters and drawings down from the walls of her classroom and sprayed water all over, so kids obviously react differently
Wow, no kidding? I need to look up your thread, looking at your signature I'm blown away that there was barely a month between BD and D. Things very rarely happen that fast.
Hi Btrow S has been misbehaving at school recently so never thought of it that way. We haven't told the kids yet so I was hoping they hadn't picked up on anything.
Wow your D sounds like mine I think that's how she would react
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
I have politely told him that I do not wish him to continue the A whilst still in the house - he refused to stop seeing her. When I asked him out of respect to wait until he had left the house before taking OW away he again refused and told me that if I tried to stop him he would leave right there and then and he was quite angry in the way he said it, that was at the weekend.
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
I have politely told him that I do not wish him to continue the A whilst still in the house - he refused to stop seeing her. When I asked him out of respect to wait until he had left the house before taking OW away he again refused and told me that if I tried to stop him he would leave right there and then and he was quite angry in the way he said it, that was at the weekend.
I'm sorry, I didn't explain myself very well in that post. I was responding to your comment that his mom told you to kick him out. Normally in your sitch friends and loved ones will tell you to kick him out, leave him, etc. Michele talks about this in chapter 1 of DB, they're doing that because they think it's healthy for you. But things aren't that simple, kicking him out doesn't suddenly make you feel better and get over him. The point I was trying to make is that if you're trying to work on the M, then tell that to any friends or family that may be telling you that D is the best choice, and ask them to support you in your choice to stand.
I have done so well so far but tonight I have completely lost it BIG time and he started throwing it back. This was over the phone as he works late and stays over on a Tuesday and today I realised that he is actually done and I have made it easy for him. His head and heart are not with us they are with OW. I needed to break down and cry on my own but friends were here thinking they were helping but in reality that is part of the problem. He called to remind me to make a packed lunch for my S for tomorrow and asked if I was OK, I said fine and he went off the phone. I wasn't fine at all and called him back to tell him so.
I shouted and vented and told him that I was not OK with this and the part that gutted me the most was the fact that he couldn't even give me the respect to talk about it or make any effort to work on our M he's just moved on from me and the kids. I was angry, really angry and then he asked if I had been drinking. We have always drank it's probably the trademark of our whole R and I have even asked him at various points over the years to help me break the habit. He called me an alcoholic which working 80+ hours over a 5 day week as an MD of a company and raising 2 kids clearly I'm not but by my own admission I am probably alcohol dependent and that is what he said. That said we have drank together and it is boring and I have asked him so many times over the years to help me break that habit but it has continued and now when it's gets tough that's my crutch.
He's in the army so can go away for long periods and not drink, 7 months in Afgan, 2 tours of Iraq and a lot more over the 14 years we've been together. My friends all drink too and it's just the norm. He is using that now and I don't blame him. I need to do it for me I know that not to keep him and he said we can talk tomorrow but I've just pushed him further away.
He said he will just have to come home and stay and be miserable and if he does that he will loose OW. I told him that is not what I wanted I wanted him to just give us a chance to talk and at least say we tried and it didn't work.
In my heart of hearts I know he has already moved his head and heart into the new R and I have to work on myself and being a better person and Mum but I also needed to let him know this is not OK.
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
