But the wife said it would be permanent and they would be living with us forever. Screw that, I said.
I can understand your concern about that. Sometimes when we marry we marry into things we didn't want or anticipate. Sometimes we can live with them and other times they're a deal killer. In my case my in-laws who lived a thousand miles away suddenly moved about 50 miles away so they could spend more time with W and our kids. THAT for me was OK, but like you I would have had an issue with them moving under the same roof, even though I love them to pieces!
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Her family was important to her such that she said that they ranked higher. I was "at fourth" in her list of priorities. She was threatened saying that if I didn't leave, that she would. In the end she said she would take legal action to have me removed. I had enough. My self-respect prompted me to leave. Hardest decision.
It sounds like this situation was a deal-killer for you. I don't see anything in your posts about you really loving your W or wanting her back? I'm a little confused on what your goals are? Clearly you miss your D and want more time with her, but what about W? Sounds like you have a lot of resentment over her ranking you below her family, I totally get that. But you not only left her, but you left the country so I guess I'm just wondering what your goal is in coming here for help? I'm just asking so we can better tailor our suggestions.
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If I had submitted to her yoke and stayed, my balls would have been truly cut off, and any respect from her will probably be gone as I was reduced to a servant for her family.
My W wanted her mom to live with us for a while when our first kid was born. I was like "oh noooooooo" but she was retired and I was working and I certainly understood my W's need for some more help while I was at work. I had a lot of concerns about her being there all the time but it turns out my fears were completely unfounded. She was an absolute Godsend, she helped with our D, she watched her while W slept, she cooked us meals, and she completely honored our time together when I was home from work. She would sit in the corner and knit and give us all the together time we wanted. A lot of times what we fear is the unknown, but the reality of it usually isn't nearly as terrible as we imagine.
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My daughter will eventually grow up and learn that her mother is a dictator and there'll be another conflict between them as she discovers that her father was shafted from the home and her own family destroyed.
I sure do hear a lot of anger and resentment towards W in your words, is that what you're feeling? Again if you could just state what your goals are that would help.
