"That sounds like a lot of mind-reading to me. You sound very clinical about this, but this isn't a laboratory and your W isn't a lab rat." - no she's not BUT the process is based on clinical trails AND PROVEN.
"You're dealing with emotions and emotions are ALWAYS a very unpredictable moving target.
I just get the impression you think you have this all figured out and you're hosting an online class to educate the rest of us," - sorry can be highly driven something I need to work on..!
"LOL! And as a result you're not really listening or paying attention to anything anyone is telling you. And I suspect THAT attitude may be a contributing factor to why you are here in the first place," - see above and thanks for pointing it out.
"and if it is then you are engaging in more-of-the-same behaviour. Ask yourself if a 180 for you is to quit putting everything under a microscope and trying to convert it into an equation to be solved." - I understand that women are more emotional than logical and there's no logic to what my WW is doing BUT all of the DR'ing to me sounds as though you DON'T get emotional about it and nearly all of the advice I have had has been to detach (no emotions with detachment that's just cut her off at the knees).
All, I can see your views about being a plan B and my "strategy": 1. Being a friend she can come to. 2. A safe place for her. All VERY EMOTIONAL and definitely not based on some experiment and logic.
I'm sure posters on here if not all of you are shaking your heads about now BUT not all situations are the same, people are different!
Please remember I NEVER APPROACH HER EVER. I know she's doing this to make sure I'm an option if and when the A goes south and you all feel I'm allowing this to continue unduly longer than needed (although I can't control any of that) if I were to change my stance BUT HOW:
1. I'm separated from her (really hard to leave my 2S but a boundary that had to be put in place) - we don't see each other much possibly 15 minutes each day and then she's invested in S10 & S7 to spend time with me. 2. I NEVER contact her either by text, email or phone. 3. I never pursue. 4. As best I can I'm GAL - see previous posts.
All the above is based on DR'ing but I'm not perfect it's just I have to manage my situation. Caring issues for my two boys which lead to financial issues, I'm in a position where I can manage my work to give me freedom my WW can't and has to finish a lot later than I. Due to this I would either have to pay more for childcare or allow me to be home until the WW can pick up our 2S!
I'm sure as this thing progresses there will be a "lessoning" of interaction - basically when she picks up 2S she'll wait in the car for them. When I have them she'll be pressured in NOT turning up at my "home" and possibly FaceTime instead. Why would she do this? Due to her AP/LO insisting on her not seeing her H (cracks start to appear..?)
I'm sorry if you feel I'm too trusting in the limerent process but I can't base what is happening in my M on the premise of some sort of "star crossed lovers" and "soul mates", I know that for my WW to have done what's she's done is at least 50% my fault and I know where I fell down in my R with her. I am working on these things if not for my present R then for the next chapter in my life.
Am I blinkered in only seeing the limerence outcome well to a degree yes BUT this is due to these facts! Experts who have been helping individuals just like us to regain their M for decades AND known studies into what happens to these wayward people's brains when the M breaks down and some $h1t chances his arm to get into her pants.
Lastly isn't consistency paramount? I understand that if my actions aren't working then I need to re-address them and look to do something else but chopping and changing how I deal with this situation will only aid in her seeing straight through them. I ask again what can I do differently than what I'm doing? Find another mate - I dearly L my wife I wish I didn't? Have absolute no contact - hard with children involved, mortgages and so on. All the above sounds a lot like "D" to me, isn't this D busting..?
Yes I believe in the limerence process but to use this in conjunction with DR'ing as best I can is the course I choose.
Thank you all and schools out.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
