After an awful day emotionally yesterday I was driving home from work and suddenly started to feel much better, stronger and more positive. It was almost as if I'd accepted what was happening and realised nothing is going to change overnight this is a long haul process and I need to get myself in shape (mentally and emotionally) to ride the rollercoaster.
I arrived home and H was still at football with the kids. They arrived back and the kids were full of stories about school and he made them snack whilst we chatted. It's funny but it's like I'm looking at them for the first time again at the moment and the love I feel for them is all consuming which is good. He went for a run and got them into bed and had a shower when he got back he dropped the next bomb he'd told his Mum. I asked what he had told her and he said that basically he wasn't in love with me anymore although he still cared and everything was fine the kids didn't know and wouldn't for a while. I asked if he told her about OW he said yes briefly and that his Mum didn't really say much. He then started to ask about mutual friends and said he felt he needed to talk to our 3 best friends and explain and ask them to take care of me. I said he didn't need to ask them that it was a given and it was up to him if he wanted to talk to them. He went to shower and his Mum called me and that's when the tears came, the last person on earth I thought I would break down to but him telling her just made it more final.
She was furious with him and said his Dad was too and his Dad was going to call him to talk to some sense into him and he'd come to his senses. If only it were that simple!
This morning I'm trying not to keep analysing and to focus on work and getting through another day. I'm in a better place than I was yesterday up to now and I'm hoping it will stay that way.
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
